Paper Heart Poetry

Part 48.BPD

I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.

When you've got to dig deep to feel,
Or bleed to cry.
Or simply scream and shout,
So you're not buried under the weight of your own lie.

When you drown in the loneliness,
But never actually feel alone.
Because life is never harmonious,
And his words have cut me to the bone.

Scared to be abandoned,
I'd do anything to avoid.
That deep-cut hurt,
Heart break would insure.

Scream in silence,
Or cry outloud.
The words are meaningless,
Forever empty ,hollowed out.

Feeling too much,
Or nothing at all.
I'm stuck in a world,
Where my temper is my downfall.

I never understood,
How to feel as they did.
And rupturing seemed fitting,
So rupturing is what I did.
Sad or frustrated?
Let out a scream.
Look at me funny,
And you're an enemy to me,an instant change from idolising to demoralization,
It's cruel but you see;

I never understood it,
Because it never had a name.
To me I was crazy,
A sick soul and a fractured brain.
But now I understand,
I'm broken ,not ill.

Those years of abandonment,
In my head ,had caused a stand still.
Once upon a time,
A little girl was left behind.
Scared and alone,
Tortured day and night.
Those years,months and weeks,
They had taken it's toll.
Her heart had grown stronger but her head had become
As fractured as her soul.
Years of built up pain,
Has built up layers of distrust.
A need for validation,
A need to be enough.

BPD they call it,
Heartache frozen in time.
In short,I'd do anything not to,
Yet again be left behind.

Whether that means being lonely,
And chasing away those I love.
If you don't give them a chance to leave,
Your heart breaks a little less each time.

I know it's scary.
I freak myself out.
Each new day,
Brings with it a tidal wave of grey.

Anxiety,depression,hysteria,
All symptoms you will find.

Like I said,
I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.