Emotionless

Lust & Cries

It was March 31st 2014 I was in 7th grade and walking home after a long day of school. I had my earbuds in listening to my music from my playlist. It was hot but I shouldn't be complaining since I live in the desert. I continued walking minding my own business until I heard multiple people running. Wait? Multiple? Confusion took over me and I turned around but everything happened so fast. I was pushed up and cornered against a wall of a house. I don't know what pushed me so I looked and saw three teenage boys in front of me. They were a grade level higher then me since I only know one of them.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I asked them unaware of what they were planning. They laughed at me. Why? I don't know.....yet. "Don't worry.....we're gonna to play a fun game...." one said. "Yea....a fun game where you will enjoy the most." Another added. I was confused and scared. All three over towered me. "Pl-please....stop...yo-you're scaring me...." I said barely above a whisper. "Awwww you just get cuter every second...." one of them said. They drew closer to me I had no where to run. I didn't noticed the third one disappeared. I was too focused on the main two that were in front of me. Next thing I felt something grabbed my chest. I looked down and see a pair of hands on them trying to undo my shirt.

"N-no!?!!" I yelled, "Stop!?!!? Let me go!!!!!" They didn't stop they continued their action. "No!!!! I don't want it!!!!!" I told them. "Stop lying....." one said. One of them put their hands on my leg and out of pure instinct I kicked them where no light shined. The boy fell back and I swing my clarinet case around hitting the boy behind me.

I ran but the third boy caught me and I bit his arm and he let out a scream letting him let go. I ran for my life I don't want them to do it. I hid behind a a dumpster. I heard the distinct sounds of people running frantically followed by where is she or go find her. I hid for a good 3 hours knowing the close was clear. I fixed myself up and walked home feeling disgusted of myself.

They tried to rape me.....why. The nerve of these people to do such a thing. I stopped halfway on my journey to home and I broke down crying. What happened if they actually did it? What would happen now? I was shaking......I was scared.....I was violated. I don't want to go to school anymore.....I don't want to knowing they go to the same school as I do.

My chest started to hurt again but I can't calm down. I was too scared.....a lot of different scenarios ran through my head and it was hard to control everything at once. Why won't people leave me alone......why must they torment me and do such sinful things?

The next day I told the principal of my school. I had to fill out papers along with a police report.....unfortunately all that got me was just a restraining order. I hate this world so much. I walked home once again no one didn't bother me. I looked at myself in the mirror.....my expression was emotionless as ever. But there was pain and suffering in my eyes. Tears streamed down my face for no reason.

I'm tired.....tired of living and breathing. I opened my cabinet mirror to the bathroom and found some pills. I looked at it for a bit contemplating.....I then looked at myself in the mirror. I grabbed a cup and filled it with water. I opened the pill bottle and grabbed a handful in my hand and took it all in a single gulp. I looked at my reflection once again and sighed out in relief.

I cleaned up everything and went to my room and changed into my pajamas. I laid in bed and I welcomed death.

It was the next day and I was staring at the ceiling. It didn't work.... I thought to myself. I sat up and saw that it was the afternoon. I pulled my legs close to my chest and held my head in my hands.

"Why can't you just let me die....." I told myself, "why.....can't you see I'm suffering...." my empty cries and please echoed through my room. For no one to hear not even death himself. "Please.....I don't want to live.....I don't want to even live to see my 16th birthday...."

Please.....