Emotionless

Confession

"Congratulations it's a girl!" The Doctor yelled out holding me between his hands. The nurses took me and cleaned me. A baby girl born a week after a tragic event, an event that will surely go down in history. My father holding on to my mother's hands while my mother is recovering from the birth.

The nurses took me into a separate room having me wrapped up in a blanket to keep me warm. After that they gave me to the people who will raise me as their own child and watch me grow up and follow my dreams. My parents admiring my features crying with joy. Soon the doctor came back in to do some check ups and see if anything is fine with me.

I was not......

The doctor came back and told my parents about the news. I was born with a damaged heart causing me to feel frequent pains every now and then. Too much adrenaline can cause me to go into a heart attack. My parents were heartbroken knowingly that their bundle of joy wasn't perfect at all.

"Mommy! Can I go play with the other kids outside?" I asked my mother who was cooking for dinner. She looked down at me, wearing my classic two pigtails along with a white t-shirt with overalls. "No you can't." She said. "why?" I asked her heartbroken that I can't go and play. "Because.....the world is a dangerous place out there for you.....and I don't think you're ready to go out by yourself just yet." She told me. I didn't reply but I just nodded and walked back to my room. I went to the windowsill of my window watching the other kids have fun and get dirty and just laughing. I let out a sigh hoping one day I can do that and have fun. At that moment I felt like a princess locked up in a tower and was never allowed to go out and have adventures.

I was in my room crying. Hearing the war going on between my parents. "Why do you always pull this shit!!!!" My mother yelled. They were arguing about something I don't understand and I don't think I will. "UGH!?! I can't believe I married you!?!!?" My mother shouted, "I should've aborted her when I had the chance!!!" After that I heard the door slam. Aborted?......what does that mean? I wince in pain feeling the piercing pain I've felt. It hurts so much. Tears keep streaming down my face. When will their be a day I won't cry?

"Grandma? When will daddy be home? I haven't seen him in 3 days." I asked my grandmother. "He'll be home when he wants to be home." She said her back facing me. "Okay...."I said. "Instead of asking me where your father is you should be memorizing your prayers." She said. "Yes grandma...."I said going back to my room. I opened up the small book full of prayers and started memorizing them. "Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil....."I repeated this prayer over and over again memorizing each stanza by heart. Born into a religious family wasn't so bad at first.....but it gets harder as you grow expecting you to be better then others when others treat you wrong even if they are by blood.

"That Willow girl is sooo skinny! How is she able to get a man's attention when she is all bones!" My other grandmother said. My grandmother shrugged and shook her head and drank her tea. "I don't know......she's lucky if she finds a man who wants her....she is nothing but a trouble child like her father." My grandmother responded. While I stood in the halls of my house listening into their conversation. Talking about me in negative ways. Made me feel insecure. That's when I began wearing baggy clothes hiding the fact I'm skinny. But my figure was not only the problem. "Her face is so childlike! Not mature at all!" Another grandmother of mine spoke. Comment after comment I felt so insecure of my physical appearance that I just ended up hiding everything and put my head down so no one can see me.

"You're such a pushover!" A girl in my middle school said. "You can't say no!" "You're always nice!" "Why do you hide yourself!" "Are you some freak!" "Don't you do anything fun!" "You so damn quiet it's creepy!" This girl is always pointing out my flaws. Flaws I don't quite like about myself. I'm too quite, I'm too nice, I'm too forgiving, I'm too good. I didn't ask to be like this.....I just want to be accepted that's all. At this point in my life the pain that resides in my chest gotten worst. Until it become evident that each tragic moment I lived through my life I can not handle.

"You might not life to see your 18th birthday...."the doctor said. I felt nothing but shock. Everyone is gonna die some time in their life but it's unknown.....for me it's not.....and I know when my days of breathing ends.

Each pain, each tears, and each silent screams I have experience throughout my entire life was each part of my damaged heart since birth.....being broken down into pieces. It's like I went through thousands and thousands of relationships each one ending worst then the last.

Thanks to that.....I have not that much time to live.

"And that's how I don't have much time to live......"I told Harper. I saw tears rolling off her face. As if she seen the saddest movie ever in her life. "Why didn't you tell us before hand.....we could've have made more memories!" She said. "I was scared....and afraid that you might leave me like everyone else did in my life...."I said feeling guilty of not telling her. "Willow......there is nothing in you that can make me leave your side...."she said, "your nice and very fun to hang around with the only thing that is gonna separate us is only death himself......" she smiled at me through her tears. I smiled back at her tears streaming down my face. I got so lucky meeting such a wonderful friend like her. It's such a shame we didn't meet earlier in life. Harper hugged me and I hugged her back both crying into each other's shoulders and we started laughing a bit of how much of a baby we both are.

During our hug we both heard a knock. Me and Harper looked who was at the doorway and we saw none other then the rest of our friends. "Uhhhhhh are we interrupting something...." Maxell said. "Just walk away....."Alice said walking backwards. "This is awkward." Shrimpy said. "No kidding...."Nabi said. "At least it's nice to see Willow is okay." Katila said with a smile. We all laughed on how awkwardly this situation has gotten. After that we told everyone what's going on. Some of them had sad looks and others were really focused on the story me and Harper told taking turns.

Soon Anya and Jamie joined us with all of us talking and having fun. "I don't trust these doctors....."Jamie said getting really suspicious. "Why....because they might work for the government?" Anya said trying to be sarcastic. "You never know!" Jamie shouted. It was an okay day despite staying in the hospital for the whole break but still good I get to spend time with my friends and such. Since they know about my condition they all agreed to make memories with me ones that are memorable and worth holding on to.

Memories.....that is worth replaying in my head over and over again....