Random Crack Fics of Wings of Fire, Guns N' Roses, & Mötley Crüe

A Fairy Tale

1985, right before Theater of Pain came out.
Mick: Why are we doing this? Shouldn't we come up with a name for our album that's supposed to be released next month?
Vince: We'll just call it Home Sweet Home and name it after one of the songs like all our other two albums
Nikki: I thought it would be fun to put on a play. And I wrote the script myself!
Vince: WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE PRINCESS!?
Nikki: Because I didn't want to, Mick's the narrator, and Tommy's the mayor.
Vince: Why couldn't I be the hero?
Nikki: 'Cause, I'm the hero.
Mick: Who else is in the play?
Nikki: Just another band I met at a bar...
Vince: (Suspiciously)  Who are they?
Nikki: (Chuckles nervously)
Suddenly the theater doors swing open.
Nikki: That's them now.
Duff: NIKKI! How are ya?
Nikki: DUFF! I'm good! How have you been?
Duff: I'm great! You?
Nikki: ...
Steven: Awkward conversation loop...
Tommy: Who are you?
Steven: I'm Steven, I play drums!
Tommy: SAME! WE HAVE NOW BEEN BONDED!
Steven: (awestruck)...The Tommy Lee... MY BEST FRIEND!
Tommy: THAT'S RIGHT!
Slash: (Shuffles awkwardly)
Nikki: RIGHT! This is Slash! Anyways, where are the other two?
Duff: On their way.
Izzy: (Walks in the door) Is this the place?
Duff: IZZY! Where's Axl?
The doors open one more time, silence falls upon the eight rockstars.
Axl: (Giggles) Hiya, (Giggles again) I'm Axl! I look forward to working with you!
Nikki: (Whispers to Izzy) Are you sure this is the same guy who was screaming that one song about this guy who dances.
Izzy: Yup, that's him. HEY AXL! HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?
Axl: Three fingers, Izzy Dearest. And the song is called Mr. Brownstone, Acquaintance Nikki.
Slash: DEAREST!? DID AXL SERIOUSLY USE THAT WORD! OF ALL WORDS!
Izzy: Oh I get it. He's nervous.
Axl: Sorry, childhood best friend Izzy, but you are incorrect.
Izzy: No I'm not. He gets really nice and giggles a lot when he's around new people. Or he gets really angry or defensive. Consider yourselves lucky.
Axl: SHUT UP!
Nikki: ANYWAYS! ON WITH THE SHOW!

After a month of rehearsals.
An audience is packed into the theater. They all stare at the velvet curtain, waiting for it to rise. Hushed voices fill the room. Soon enough, the curtain rises. A set which appeared to be a medieval villages was on the other side.
A figure soon appears in the top left corner, suspended in the air by wires. For some reason he's wearing a pink dress, fairy wings are strapped to his back, and he has a headband with flowers glued onto it.
The blinded by embarrassment "fairy" begins to speak in a high pitched voice, "Hello, dear travelers, are you guys ready to be transported to the magical realm of... Iforgotland?"
He waits for and uproar from the crowd. He gets a single person's cough instead.
"Alright, fine!" He crosses his arms, "anyways, in this land. It is not peaceful. For they are traumatized by the dreaded Ginger."
Someone else walks onto the stage. His red hair swept up in two ponytails. Not really threatening for a super villain.
"And He has captured the princess!" The fairy narrates.
The Ginger runs across the the stage and picks up someone wearing a dress and a tiara.
"Oh no! Help me!" She cries with a high pitched voice as Ginger runs off the stage.
"MY BELOVED!" Someone else cries, they run onstage and fall to their knees, "NOW WE'LL NEVER HAVE 25 BABIES!"
"We should go save her!" Someone says to the poor guy who is now lying on the floor.
"You're right, Duff!" The other says. Duff nods approvingly.
They stare at a figure walking onto the stage.
He has no shirt, is wearing formal pants and has two drumsticks showed up his nose.
"TOMMY!" Our hero cries in frustration.
"LIGHTEN UP, NIKKI!" Tommy yelled back.
"Anyways Mayor, the princess has been captured." Nikki says.
"They go find her!" Tommy commands before sneezing out a drumstick.
"But sir, we don't have any weapons!" Duff says unenthusiastically
"Oh Steven—I mean— Oh, Baker!"
Steven runs out and presents Nikki and Duff with two really long baguettes.
"WHAT ARE BAGUETTES SUPPOSED TO DO!?" The fairy from above cries.
"SHUT UP MICK! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LINES RIGHT NOW!" Nikki screeches  bossily.
Fairy Mick just crosses his arms.
"KEEP ACTIN' LIKE THAT AND I'LL TELL IZZY TO MESS WITH THAT ROPE HOLDIN' YOU UP"
Suddenly Mick flips upside down.
"THANKS IZZY!" Nikki laughs as Mick tries to keep his dress from from flipping.
"Now onward!" Duff raises the loaf of bread triumphantly in the air.
Duff and Nikki charge across the stage. A castle is pushed out onto the stage.
"So you want the princess, do ya?" The super villain stands on a small balcony near the top.
"Save me, Nikki!" The princess cries out.
"I'LL SAVE YOU, MY BELOVED!" he waves the bread in the air.
"I AM NOT YOUR BELOVED! DON'T SAY THAT!"
Of course, Nikki's attempt is thwarted by Izzy running out then pushing him the stage to be caught by the audience
"Well, that was easy." Izzy looks down at Nikki, just to get a shoe in the face.
"YOU WERN'T SUPPOSED TO PUSH ME THAT HARD!"
"I give up." Izzy shakes his head, walks through the audience, and out the front door while Nikki scrambles back onto the stage.
"This play is a train wreak." Duff takes a huge bite out of his baguette.
"You weren't supposed to eat the—"  Nikki hesitates for a moment, "Yeah, let's just go home."
"This was painful." The princess says in his normal voice, the audience gasps, "I guess you could say it was a Theater of Pain."
"You mean...she is actually a HE!?" Someone in the audience shouts.
"Yeah, I'm a dude. Why is everyone so shocked to hear that?"
"Because you look like a lady." Steven calls from backstage.
"Bye. And thanks for watching." Fairy Mick narrates as the others walk out the door, "Uh, guys? GUYS! DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE! NIKKI!? VINCE!? TOMMY!? HELP!"

Sorry the entire writing style changed in the middle of it. I have been thinking about changing it. The way how half of these chapters are short and lazily written makes me regret everything. So expect longer and better chapters.