DIVE [1; CHRIS EVANS]

XIV.

14. TEXTS

CHRIS
robert just showed me the reaction to that Instagram post of yours that we talked about

CHRIS
holy fuck

CHRIS
it was crazy

MINNIE
it's still going now 16 hours later

MINNIE
like honestly, I can't open the act because it crashed almost immediately every single time I do, and the site keeps crashing on my laptop

MINNIE
I think it's hilarious, tbh

CHRIS
literally just from one joke post

CHRIS
wow

MINNIE
I mean, it could've been the ab window, too

CHRIS
I still don't entirely understand why that's in the costume

MINNIE
putting ur hard work on display, son

CHRIS
work, sweat, and tears went into the creation of those abs

CHRIS
especially tears

MINNIE
okay okay, no need to sad brag, Mr. America

CHRIS
oh give over, you go to the gym every day you get chance to, your abs are undoubtedly better than mine

MINNIE
idk, I mostly go to the gym to counteract all of the good junk that I eat

MINNIE
junk fOOD*

MINNIE
oh my god, autocorrect, get your mind out of the fucking gutter

CHRIS
don't blame autocorrect, smh

MINNIE
what're you trying to insinuate, christopher

CHRIS
nothing, promise

MINNIE
awe bby ur so whipped

MINNIE
but yeah, to summarise, I go to the gym so that I can eat pizza for every meal whilst still staying in shape

CHRIS
that's a lie too, I've seen you with your kale salads and oddly colored smoothies

MINNIE
u know, those smoothies taste as bad as they look

CHRIS
then what's the benefit to drinking them?

MINNIE
my immune system is pathetic, and they boost it

MINNIE
it sounds fake, honestly, but since I started drinking them daily, my health has improved massively

CHRIS
still look gross tho

MINNIE
wOw chris

MINNIE
so mature

CHRIS
wow after 6 months of dating you think you'd know my levels of immaturity, but I guess not

MINNIE
apologies

CHRIS
anyways the quite frankly ridiculous reaction to that post got me thinking

MINNIE
uh oh that sounds dangerous

CHRIS
don't be rude :((((

MINNIE
sorry, love u

CHRIS
ly2 long-term gf

MINNIE
what were you thinking abt?

CHRIS
if you'd be up for it, I say we carry on with what Seb said, we should really really fuck with the press

CHRIS
I mean, they're assholes and I've always wanted to mess with them, and this would get them good time

MINNIE
!!!!

MINNIE
dude omg

MINNIE
yEs

MINNIE
let's do it

CHRIS
we don't even have to try, honestly

CHRIS
little posts on Instagram and twitter every now and again, and some carefully timed photos and their heads will practically explode

MINNIE
shit this is gonna be hilarious

MINNIE
we should give it a cool name like they do with missions in spy movies

CHRIS
I say we let Sebastian and Mackie loose with the naming task, god knows what they'd come up with

MINNIE
the only appropriate group bonding activity for a cast of children pretending to be adults is to mess with the whole internet, tbh

CHRIS
it's probably gonna be a disaster

CHRIS
but eH it'll be fun whilst it lasts

MINNIE
oh undoubtedly, it'll end up being a mess

MINNIE
but at least it'll be entertaining

CHRIS
and you know, I can certainly imagine worst people to be my fake girlfriend

MINNIE
oh my

MINNIE
was that --

MINNIE
did captain america just half-compliment me

CHRIS
and at that reaction, I want to retract my half compliment

MINNIE
well that's just downright mean

CHRIS
uh oh are we about to have our first argument as a couple

MINNIE
I think wE ARE

CHRIS
don't yell at me, I'm fragile

MINNIE
guess what I am

CHRIS
cruel?

MINNIE
yes but also, I am: on my way to your hotel room so that we can discuss strategy

CHRIS
I'm in Seb's room, come on down, we ordered room service

MINNIE
um without me??

MINNIE
I'm hURT, honestly 😪😭

CHRIS
golly gee shucks, how tragic

AUTHOR'S NOTE; just realised we're 14 chapters into this and I've achieved nothing but let's go with it anyway