DIVE [1; CHRIS EVANS]

XVII.

17. TEXTS

LOLA
hello good morning stinky, is there a reason why Elizabeth Olsen called me out of the blue at 1am to ask when your birthday was?

MINNIE
what birthday?????

LOLA
yeah yeah u don't have one blah blah ha ha ha it gets funnier every time

MINNIE
49th julember 2021 was a nice touch from you though

LOLA
thank you, thank you

LOLA
I've been waiting to use it for a while tbh

MINNIE
proud of you

LOLA
ah you're such a babe

MINNIE
I prefer the term "the best that humanity has to offer" but I suppose I'll take it

LOLA
I hate you sm

MINNIE
you literally called me a babe less than 60 seconds ago

LOLA
my opinion of you is a constant sliding scale

MINNIE
awe but why

LOLA
bc we have a love hate relationship

MINNIE
what, like you love me all the time bc I'm excellent and I hate you all the time bc ur grouchy and mean ??

LOLA
this.

LOLA
this is why we have the sliding scale, bud

MINNIE
Chris called my buddy the other day and my small heart grew three sizes like the grinch's

LOLA
dear lord

LOLA
did you finally get the teenage crush you never got

LOLA
is this why you're being extra extra today

MINNIE
I don't think it's a crush

MINNIE
not yEt

MINNIE
lmao I hate myself

MINNIE
this is gonna end badly !!

LOLA
what kinda game are you guys even playing at the moment

MINNIE
it's called 'let's fuck with the press and our feelings at the same time' and I'm really enjoying it

LOLA
really ??

LOLA
bc it sounds to me as though you're having some sort of crisis here

MINNIE
oh bOy

MINNIE
I'm definitely having a crisis

MINNIE
I need to get it out of the way rn before I go out

LOLA
oooh where are you off ??

MINNIE
oh you know me and Chris are just going on another fake date, no big deal

LOLA
awe this is sweet

LOLA
I genuinely think this is the first time you've ever had a noticeable crush

MINNIE
idk if it's a crush or just like mad appreciation and adoration of this hugely successful actor who's so professional on set and is sO good at what he does, but he's also just so lovely and just manages to put you at ease all the time

LOLA
hmm I wonder if what you've just described is a big ol' crush

MINNIE
of course not

MINNIE
you are being absurd

LOLA
you're being weird and I'm slightly worried

MINNIE
honestly I don't think I actually wanna be romantically involved with him but the idea of it just seems nice

MINNIE
and idk, I feel so settled on set, I think part of it is being a little too comfortable

LOLA
still sounds like a crush

MINNIE
nah isn't a crush

MINNIE
besides filming isn't long from being done and I'll get over it quickly after that

LOLA
sure you will

MINNIE
it's just that I wanna introduce him to my dog

MINNIE
and I feel like that basically means this is true love and that we should get married before I introduce him to banjo bc that's a big step

MINNIE
but then also imagine if banjo liked Chris more than he liked me ?? I think I'd cry for forever and a day

LOLA
holy shit

LOLA
breathe, woman

MINNIE
you dON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND

MINNIE
so last night he was telling me about his family and I very very neARLY REVEALED MY NAME TO HIM ??

LOLA
oh no, that sucks dude

LOLA
actually wait why is telling him your name a big deal?

MINNIE
bc right now, there's a line between my professional relationships, and my personal ones. jasmine is a personal thing, Minnie is professional, I'm not sure that I want that line to blur for him or for anyone

LOLA
but you want him to meet your son

MINNIE
!!! you finally accepted that banjo IS my child and have stopped thinking it's odd that I refer to him as my son?

LOLA
no

LOLA
the sliding scale returns once more

MINNIE
listen I've gtg bc me and Chris are headed out for dinner in a sec but just to clarify; it isn't a real crush, bc I'm still adamant abt keeping him in my professional life over my personal life, but maybe it's like a work crush ?? idk

LOLA
whatever helps you sleep at night

author's note: pls feed me comments

(((I APOLOGISE FOR THE SINCERE LACK OF CONTINUITY BETWEEN CHAPTERS ONLY I DON'T REALLY ACTUALLY CARE BC IT'S FUN TO WRITE)))