17. TEXTS
LOLA
hello good morning stinky, is there a reason why Elizabeth Olsen called me out of the blue at 1am to ask when your birthday was?MINNIE
what birthday?????LOLA
yeah yeah u don't have one blah blah ha ha ha it gets funnier every timeMINNIE
49th julember 2021 was a nice touch from you thoughLOLA
thank you, thank youLOLA
I've been waiting to use it for a while tbhMINNIE
proud of youLOLA
ah you're such a babeMINNIE
I prefer the term "the best that humanity has to offer" but I suppose I'll take itLOLA
I hate you smMINNIE
you literally called me a babe less than 60 seconds agoLOLA
my opinion of you is a constant sliding scaleMINNIE
awe but whyLOLA
bc we have a love hate relationshipMINNIE
what, like you love me all the time bc I'm excellent and I hate you all the time bc ur grouchy and mean ??LOLA
this.LOLA
this is why we have the sliding scale, budMINNIE
Chris called my buddy the other day and my small heart grew three sizes like the grinch'sLOLA
dear lordLOLA
did you finally get the teenage crush you never gotLOLA
is this why you're being extra extra todayMINNIE
I don't think it's a crushMINNIE
not yEtMINNIE
lmao I hate myselfMINNIE
this is gonna end badly !!LOLA
what kinda game are you guys even playing at the momentMINNIE
it's called 'let's fuck with the press and our feelings at the same time' and I'm really enjoying itLOLA
really ??LOLA
bc it sounds to me as though you're having some sort of crisis hereMINNIE
oh bOyMINNIE
I'm definitely having a crisisMINNIE
I need to get it out of the way rn before I go outLOLA
oooh where are you off ??MINNIE
oh you know me and Chris are just going on another fake date, no big dealLOLA
awe this is sweetLOLA
I genuinely think this is the first time you've ever had a noticeable crushMINNIE
idk if it's a crush or just like mad appreciation and adoration of this hugely successful actor who's so professional on set and is sO good at what he does, but he's also just so lovely and just manages to put you at ease all the timeLOLA
hmm I wonder if what you've just described is a big ol' crushMINNIE
of course notMINNIE
you are being absurdLOLA
you're being weird and I'm slightly worriedMINNIE
honestly I don't think I actually wanna be romantically involved with him but the idea of it just seems niceMINNIE
and idk, I feel so settled on set, I think part of it is being a little too comfortableLOLA
still sounds like a crushMINNIE
nah isn't a crushMINNIE
besides filming isn't long from being done and I'll get over it quickly after thatLOLA
sure you willMINNIE
it's just that I wanna introduce him to my dogMINNIE
and I feel like that basically means this is true love and that we should get married before I introduce him to banjo bc that's a big stepMINNIE
but then also imagine if banjo liked Chris more than he liked me ?? I think I'd cry for forever and a dayLOLA
holy shitLOLA
breathe, womanMINNIE
you dON'T EVEN UNDERSTANDMINNIE
so last night he was telling me about his family and I very very neARLY REVEALED MY NAME TO HIM ??LOLA
oh no, that sucks dudeLOLA
actually wait why is telling him your name a big deal?MINNIE
bc right now, there's a line between my professional relationships, and my personal ones. jasmine is a personal thing, Minnie is professional, I'm not sure that I want that line to blur for him or for anyoneLOLA
but you want him to meet your sonMINNIE
!!! you finally accepted that banjo IS my child and have stopped thinking it's odd that I refer to him as my son?LOLA
noLOLA
the sliding scale returns once moreMINNIE
listen I've gtg bc me and Chris are headed out for dinner in a sec but just to clarify; it isn't a real crush, bc I'm still adamant abt keeping him in my professional life over my personal life, but maybe it's like a work crush ?? idkLOLA
whatever helps you sleep at nightauthor's note: pls feed me comments
(((I APOLOGISE FOR THE SINCERE LACK OF CONTINUITY BETWEEN CHAPTERS ONLY I DON'T REALLY ACTUALLY CARE BC IT'S FUN TO WRITE)))