DIVE [1; CHRIS EVANS]

LVIII.

58. GROUPCHAT

SEBASTIAN
hold on guys and gals I have some important questions to ask

MINNIE
no

LIZZIE
you ask too many questions

SEBASTIAN
I don't ask many questions

SEBASTIAN
do I ???

CHRIS
ofc not bud

ROBERT
why is this never active during the proper day

SEBASTIAN
because my mind only starts buzzing with thoughts at 11pm at the earliest

ANTHONY
give me fucking strength

SEBASTIAN
see I was thinking

MINNIE
there's your first mistake

TOM
yes! we're ripping sebastian apart! I'm living for it!

SEBASTIAN
isn't it past your bed time

TOM
I'm in England ?? we're hours in front, it's 7am

ANTHONY
you get up at 7am when you don't have to ?? I'm disgusted, tim

SEBASTIAN
so anyways guys

MINNIE
go to SLEEP

SEBASTIAN
I will as soon as I have the answers I deserve

MINNIE
what you deserve, is removing from this gc

SEBASTIAN
I'm just here bc I'm confused about the chrinnie chronology

CHRIS
I don't even wanna know how long it took you to come up with that one

SEBASTIAN
ngl a while

CHRIS
I thought as much

ROBERT
why is that even relevant to any of our lives apart from Minnie and Chris's

ROBERT
forget this I'm going to bed, goodnight

TOM
sleep well dad!

ROBERT
stop calling me that I've told you so many times

TOM
what do you want me to call you instead?

ROBERT
idk

TOM
grandpa?

ROBERT
if that's how you wanna play it then it'll be Mr. Downey

SEBASTIAN
sounds kinda kinky

LIZZIE
only to you sebastian, only to you

CHRIS
but Robert does raise a fair point, why does the 'chrinnie chronology' mean anything to you

SEBASTIAN
as the person who brought you together, I'm curious

ANTHONY
we talked abt this you didn't bring them together, mate

SEBASTIAN
I did in my version of events

SEBASTIAN
I mean, who created this group chat where they were first introduced?

LIZZIE
the fucking devil

SEBASTIAN
cute nickname, I'll take it

LIZZIE
I hate you more than I thought was humanly possible

MINNIE
strongly relate

SEBASTIAN
but I was trying to figure it out and I can't; when did you guys start seeing each other properly

MINNIE
I have 20:20 vision so I've always been seeing him properly wdym

SEBASTIAN
ijohugytdr

SEBASTIAN
forget this I'm just going to cry myself to sleep on a floor of a particular fast food joint that will remain nameless bc my publicist told me off for favouritism / unpaid endorsement

ANTHONY
you're publicist deserves a medal for putting up with all of your shenanigans

TOM
geez I didn't know that 'shenanigans' was still in use on this side of the century

ANTHONY
little asshole

SEBASTIAN
am I gonna get a real answer to my question yes or no

CHRIS
what question was that again?

SEBASTIAN
how long have you and Minnie been together?

CHRIS
oh, since lunch, so a good few hours by now ((:

ROBERT
okay I'm awake again and immensely enjoying this tormenting

SEBASTIAN
give me death! I want death!

MINNIE
shut up you'll get an answer soon enough

SEBASTIAN
what the oijhbyguvftr

SEBASTIAN
what does that mean

CHRIS
oh would you look at that it's bed time

ROBERT
it's been bed time for the past four hours and yet here we all are, wide awake

MINNIE
not for much long! I'm going to sleep now though, it's a big day tomorrow!

SEBASTIAN
can I get a hint abt why

CHRIS
no

TOM
it's already tomorrow for me! can I have a clue?

MINNIE
you know what, tom?

TOM
aaHHHH

MINNIE
also no

MINNIE
goodnight