DIVE [1; CHRIS EVANS]

XXXIII.

33. GROUPCHAT

LIZZIE
my girlfriend has a theory for you all

LIZZIE
she says it's important that she let you know, for the sake of humanity

LIZZIE
and that it's a necessity that I add her to the gc to discuss said theory

LIZZIE
bc, you know, it's for the good of humanity and we're earth's mightiest heroes

LIZZIE
somehow

TOM
except for sebastian he isn't an avenger

SEBASTIAN
nEITHER ARE YOU

TOM
my DAD is an avenger it's the family bUSINESS

SEBASTIAN
UUUUH PRETTY SURE PETER'S PARENTS ARE DEAD THO

CHRIS
I'd just like to point out that technically, Minnie isn't an avenger either

MINNIE
traitor

SEBASTIAN
ur character isn't even special

MINNIE
take that bACK

SEBASTIAN
tony's just all like 'hEY I KNOW SOMEONE WHO WE REJECTED WHEN SHE SUGGESTED SHE BE AN AVENGER *flashback plays* LET'S GET HER ON MY LAME TEAM NOW I'M LOWERING MY STANDARDS SUBSTANTIALLY'

ROBERT
'why won't robert invite me to the village?? I've never said ANYTHING to offend him'

MINNIE
don't u dare talk shit abt my precious harlow

SEBASTIAN
oh are you daring me

CHRIS
oh boy

ROBERT
here we go

MINNIE
HARLOW COULD WHOOP BUCKY'S ASS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK, YOU USELESS LUMP

SEBASTIAN
hARLOW'S IRRELEVANT

MINNIE
THERE'S A REASON THEY'RE KEEPING HER CHARACTER IDENTITY A SECRET, DICK

SEBASTIAN
BC THEY'RE WORRIED THAT IF PEOPLE KNOW HOW STUPID SHE IS THEN THEY'RE NOT EVEN GONNA SHOW UP THE WATCH THE MOVIE

MINNIE
BUCKY BARNES IS A GLORIFIED ICE PACK, YOU GARBAGE DEMON, HARLOW IS ESSENTIALLY A FUCKING SPACE VAMPIRE

SEBASTIAN
'SPACE VAMPIRE' THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF IN MY LIFE

MINNIE
REALLY? THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF IN MY LIFE IS YOUR CAREER

SEBASTIAN
ALL THAT HARLOW DOES IS DETRACT FROM THE IMPORTANT ASPECT OF THE FILM; CAP AND BUCKY REKINDLING THEIR ROMANCE

MINNIE
I don't see Bucky getting put into guardian's 2 aND POTENTIALLY GETTING AN ORIGIN STORY TV MINI SERIES

SEBASTIAN
that's because everyone already knows bucky's back story, it'S PRETTY MUCH PLAYED OUTON THE BIG SCREEN, NOT HULU OR SOME OTHER BULLSHIT

MINNIE
Harlow would crush yoU

SEBASTIAN
she's like 5'2" I think I'm safe

MINNIE
I'm 5'5" you asshole

SEBASTIAN
short people are so angry