What Concealed Inside

Waiting for Your Time

White's POV

Boredom strikes me. I fall into the same routine everyday, and nothing in particular can lift my spirit. Even with my friend i feel utterly alone. All i'm thinking is a vacation on the beautiful beach, vacation on the green mountain, snow on the Alps, yukata by the wooden house...and all with the same person. Captain.

What is it with me? what is it with him which draw him to me? he's just a regular dude, not some hot Selena Gomez. He doesn't have a boobs, he does't have a sexy wavy hair, he doesn't have that swaying hips..

But what we had when we spend time together is so precious. There's no boundaries between us, we can talk about anything and nothing. With him i can be myself and he still admire me.

The way he look at me with full of attention, and the way he laugh goofily at my silliest joke, the way he look up to me and adores me, sometimes i feel like he thinks of me as his big brother.

Maybe he is. I can hear my heart shattered to pieces. I thought it's enough for me to see him from a far, to hear his voice when he calls me, or to see his updates in his media account. But it wasn't enough. Like a narcotics, his presence is addictive. Even when he was just sitting beside me and doing nothing, he still means so much for me.

God, what is it that i feel? I feel like i belong to nowhere. Like i was nobody, like i was dissolving into nothingness. I would be contented if i know that the air that i breath was the same air that he breath. I would be glad to know that over there he sees the same sunset that i see now. Look at how pathetic i become...

Hey Captain, are you there? are you doing fine? have you eat dinner yet? are you feeling lonely just like i do? are you busy? so many question i wanted to ask him, too reluctant to call him.

I stand on the balcony of my house, the orange hue of the sunset reminding me of that time at the beach when we hug and laugh together with another crew.

People, are we allowed to feel this way? In this world we live in, where everything seems so out of place and our life's controlled by another, are we even allowed to feel this way?

We're just a pawn, Captain and I. A pawn to select, a pawn to be moved, a pawn to discard when we're not needed anymore. We're just trying to hold on to the last thread of stardom to keep us going.

He's so naive, so pure, he's easily being manipulated and i'm so worried about him. I'm worried about him like a brother, like a friend, like a...Dang! White, you're getting too carried away again. This boredom got on my nerves!

I pick the phone and dial his number. I honestly don't know what to expect. At this time of hour he's probably still in his university doing his project. I get used to his ring tone, so another one this day should be fine. Actually hearing his ring tone is enough to cheer me up.

"P', do you need anything? "

I almost jumped hearing that voice.

"Hey, ummmm...i was wondering if..if we can..umm..go to that art exhibition together. Are you invited?"

Fuck. What did i just do? invited him to art exhibition? what kind of date is that? I scratch my head. My not so working brain is totally useless when it comes to him.

"Tonight i have a lot of schedules, P'. Will you go to my fashion show tonight? We can grab a late dinner afterwards."

With his posture, he make a great model. A lean and tall body and a very adorable face, any brands would go after him.

I smile. Ofcourse i'll be there, Capt. I'll always be there. I change my clothes and prepare to leave when another phone call hit me.

"White, can you come now? there's something i want to discuss with you."
That's my manager. He always bugged me in a critical time like this. I sigh.