What Concealed Inside

Can I?

Captain's POV

I'm in a bad mood lately. Don't know why, i just have this unpleasant feeling. I'm not the type of a person who can openly show my feeling, but what i feel inside is slowly eating me alive.

Everytime i wake up in the morning and see that man sleeping beside me, i feel like i would hate him more and more. I wanted him to understand, but not in the offending way. I simply don't know how to tell him this feeling that i have inside.

Are you asking me the reason? i'm too embarrased to say this in front of him, i would die by a thousand knives before i'm telling him this. But here i can confess my feeling and no body would object.

I...i..i want to be his man. From the beginning of our relationship he always thinks of himself as my man, the one who's mostly superior from me. Well not that i really mind that, but at least he should let me be his man for a while.

I know that he's older than me, stronger than me, he's more handsome, more...well we shouldn't bring this up again because it caused me a heartache. If there's one thing i'm jealous about him, it was his manliness.

I look at his peaceful face, snoring softly with his lips partly open. Who wouldn't want him to be their boyfriend? Well someone crazy, maybe. But he could be a pain in the ass, literally. Dude, i couldn't keep up with his passion this night!!

I want to flip it up for a couple of days and make him feel what i feel. Hey, i can do that. I can love him all night long like the way he did to me. Don't you think i can? And i can do what he could. I can cook him breakfast, take him to his campus and his work, pay out the house bills, and everything. I might not be as rich as he is but i truly can be his man.

I trace my finger on a shadowy line of his face contour. How perfect. His high nose bridge, his full lips, his luscious thick brows, his thick eye lashes, they brought me closer and closer to him.

Badump-badump-badump...

It's happening again. How can i still have this loud thumping in my heart while we already in relationship? It's like a never ending electricity current running through my nerves everytime i touch him like this.

How to say to him how beautiful he is when he submitted to me? It was already a long time ago when he was squirming and whispering my name under the moon light.

I watched those thick lashes flutters and slowly open it's eye lids, reveals that black gentle orbs which looking at me with questioning gaze.

"You know you're free to do anything you want with me, right?" He said, turning off my mood and making me blushed furiously. What we did yesterday was still fresh in my mind and left me with soreness all over my body.

"Uhmm..i just want to wake you up." I said, stammered on my words. He caressed my cheek and pulled my face closer to him.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry i was too carried away last night." He smiled lazily. I cursed him inwardly. Carried away, he said? Carried away is something that's not happened all the time, dude. It's not 'carried away' anymore if you always do that.

"Yeah like you're sorry, P'." I put my head back to the bed. It's Sunday and all i want to do is laying on the bed to recover myself.

"Aww..is it that bad? can i take a look at it?" His hand reach down to my backside, earning a good smack from me.

"Leave that alone, beast. We'll end up doing it again. Always like that." There was a hurtful feeling from his eyes.

"Am i being a burden for you? i'm really sorry..." He turn his back on me.  He's adorable when sulking, it's always effective in winning back my heart.