What Concealed Inside

Waiting for Your Eyes

Captain's POV

That night when P'White held my hand was so magical. I never thought he had a guts to do that, since we're always under the spotlight and all.

He drove us somewhere unknown to me (i doubt he knows the area too), some field just outskirt the city, and stop the car there. In the darkness, even the moon wasn't present. I welcomed the silence, strangely i wasn't feel awkward about this.

P'White looks so nervous, but so do i. I just conceal it behind a calm and composed demeanor. Nothing is heard. He stays still, i stay still. But this heart beating like a drum inside me, so fierce and menacing like it was going to eat me alive.

His hand is still holding mine, it was  groggy and doubtfull, so groggy that i wanted to hold it to make it steady. "Do you feel it too?" he asked me.

I'm not sure what he meant, but if this feeling i have can be reciprocate, then i will risk it. I can't stand it anymore. I just can't stand to see him just on the screen of my smartphone. There's this indescribable feeling that makes me drawn into him.

I nod, and he squeeze my hand more. He didn't say anything, but i think i could feel his desperation seeping through his warm but shaking hand. At that moment i know how silence can speaks so much more than a words. How silence can represent what's in our heart even without words.

So i give him my hand. I promise him to give him my hand whenever he feels like holding them. That was all i can promise, nothing more for now. Because you know what happen when you give a promise to an actor like him and me. You'll get severe heart break and you might never recover. Especially with someone drop-dead-gorgeous-you-can-die-looking-at-him like him. One look from a girl and *poof* he's gone.

How awkward we are right now, i can tell. No words are being shared, his car stops in the middle of nowhere and there were no lights from outside, making us in complete darkness. His hand is sweaty now, and my hand is cold.

"It's been a while, P'. Tell me what do you want to do with my hand.." Although i don't mind him holding me like this, i can't bear this beating heart which was so malignant i think i can faint any minutes.

Thummp-thummp-thumpp-thump..

He coughed faintly, and squeeze my hand again. Then he bring my hand to his chest, where in the dark, i can feel him beating like a racing car. And it seriously so loud, i think he has a heart condition.

"Everytime you're near, you give me heart condition. But when you're not, it stops beating and i can't breath. Seriously, what have you done to me?"

Thump-thump-thump-thump...it won't stop. I want to cry because i can't control my heart. It stop listen to me. So i nervously place his hand to my chest, and i see his eyes widen.

"I should ask the same question,P'. Why does everytime i think of you my heart would be like this, non stop? It..hurts, P'."

He doesn't let go of my hand, instead he take my other hand and clasped it together.

"Even i'm contented with just your hands like this, with my heart condition i don't trust myself to make it alive. What if i place it in your hands? I trust that you can keep it beating if it stays with you."

I'm surprised. That was a very big request. Did he already think it over? In the darkness, his eyes was on me, his gaze was so severe. Thump-thump-thump...His heart goes wild and he winced, presses my hand into his chest even more.

"You'll live like a zombie without a heart, P'. Take my heart instead inplace of yours, please?"

He smiled, and his heart beats lesser than before. In the darkness, our years of mistery unfolded, revealing the ugly truth about our feeling. The feeling that we had to suppress inside for so long that it was abandoned, the feeling that we had to keep away from the world and locked somewhere deep inside to protect it from getting damaged.