What Concealed Inside

A Heart Says

Captain's POV

My mind was a chaos since P'White told me about that picture of us on the social media. What if my management fire me and i don't become an actor anymore? how would i manage to take care of my family? I couldn't sleep thinking about that.

P'White was still sleeping beside me, his slanted brows still look beautiful despite it's being furrowed. He said he was worried about me, and it was somehow makes me happy that someone cares so much about me. 

As usual i kissed his cheek and woke him up, but he just move a bit and continue sleeping. So be it. It's saturday anyway, we don't have anything to do in particular. I tried to get some sleep, and i drifted between a dream and reality when i saw the ghost of Phun and Noh.

"Having a hard time, Captain?" Noh asked me. I frown when i saw him. I mean, how can he stand before me, when he's me? I blinked my eyes over and over again before making sure that he's real.

That young boy was standing infront of me, beside him was his boyfriend Phun. They look like a thugs in their white blue shirt, smiled widely and happily.

"Not your business, brat. What are you doing wearing that shirt, it's saturday anyway." I answered his question with question. What're they doing, messing with my dream?

Phun, the dazzling boy, look so much like P'White but much taller and manlier. He put his arms around Noh's shoulder and smiled at me.

"Why? because we love school. We can meet each other in school. I met my other half in school. We love school, aren't we, Noh?" He pat Noh's buzz cut dearly.

Noh seems to object and tried to get away, but Phun pulled him back to his embrace.

"And why're you here in a dreamland while you still have hope to carry on, Captain? You see, there's no more us in the real life, there can never be us. That's why we're here, living our best moment in our dreams. But you, why're you here?" Phun asked me. That smart ass. How can i answer him when i don't know the answer my self?

"I don't know..." I told him, walking away from them.

"I guess i want to live in the dream world." I continue my saying, feeling so bad about myself. Maybe. These days was the lowest point in my life when i feel like i'm a biggest loser.

"Why? why do you want to live here?"
Noh asked me, innocently. He's a small and fragile boy, so beautiful and frail. He has my facial feature but not everything about me.

"I guess...i don't know. You see the person i'm so in love with is not compatible with society. I fear for the consequences if i wanted to continue. I have to sustain my family, and i'm not sure i can do that if i'm with him." I said, sadly. Noh my boy, i'm a grown up man, unlike you. I can't live my own dream just like you do.

"Are you saying that you can't fight for your love?" Noh asked me. I felt like being hand slapped by this brat of a kid. His brace glistening amongst his smile, so cute.

"I..i.." I can't answer him.

"Aren't you promising him that you'll protect him no matter what? aren't you saying that you'll love him till the day you die? Didn't he always be there for you? When did he ever leave your side?" Noh asked me again innocently with those big black, deep orbs of his.

Phun grabbed his hands and interlacing their fingers together. They look so adorable together, i want to ask them to get out of this dream land to be replace with us.

"It's just that...i have a very heavy burden.." I started to feel uneasy, like they stripped me naked of my reason.As if they can see through me.

Phun smiled at me and looking at a vast horizon in this dream land where there was no boundaries between sky and the earth.