Don't Touch What's His (mlm)

Chapter 33

Tobias
How could he not understand what the issue was. Was he that infatuated with finding this guy? I didn't want to leave but two weeks of dealing with his unresponsiveness was killing me. How could it be that the only way to get most of his attention was for me to wear some skimpy outfit?

I walked upstairs and called Sasha to tell him to come pick me up. After doing that I changed into some clothing more appropriate for going outside. I packed up my phone charger and anything else I thought I needed before going to wait outside the gate.

I looked back at the huge mansion and then looked at the study window to see Lathaniel standing there, watching me. I turned back as Sasha's car came into view. I breathed in before getting in and letting him drive away.

"What happened Babes?" He asked as he drove down the hill. "Lathan's just being silly and I need him to stop before I can stay with him again." I answered. "Anything specific?" He questioned. "He's just infatuated with this thing that doesn't even matter, so much so that he hasn't been paying anything or anyone any attention." I explained, almost shouting.

"I'm sure he means well." Sasha responded. "I'm sure he does too but...it's been two weeks Sash, two! All he's been is sat at that fucking oak wood desk with papers all over the show on this thing that he wants to find and is trying to figure it out. When I started working and disappearing early hours of the morning only to return after five he didn't even fucking say anything!" I shouted, my frustration getting the best of me.

"I just...I fucking hate it so much! Me not being able to help him...I feel useless, I feel like a burden...he's only doing this because of me..." I rambled on, beginning to cry. "So that's what's wrong. You're not mad because of what he's doing, you're mad because of why he's doing it." Sasha denounced.

"That's not true." I responded as I wiped my tears. "You just said it, you hate that you can't help him find this thing, you feel useless and you feel like you're a burden...you feel like it's your fault he's trying so hard and you're upset with yourself, not him or the situation." He explained.

That did make a lot of sense but I refused to believe it. I was mad because Lathaniel was being ridiculous about this whole thing. I was mad at him and what he was doing and not at myself.

"That's not true, I'm just pissed off at what he's doing okay." I huffed dismissively. "Whatever you say Toby, but you and I both know what's really going on here." He said calmly. "Can we just, drop it." I replied sharply and irritatedly.

"Fine." He said and we continued towards the apartment building. Once we got there I practically flew up the stairs to the apartment then into my room, away from everyone and everything.

For some reason I felt sixteen again and that was probably the most terrible feeling I could feel. Sixteen year old me was nothing like twenty four year old me. For starters I'm not popping six different pills and getting my ass kicked by my boyfriend and my brother.

Secondly I'm not constantly being verbally abused by everyone including.

Oh and seventeen wasn't any better either, that was when I came out as bi and everyone flipped their lids.

"You're fucking sex hungry you little dog!"
"Oh shame, he's confused."
"No girl wants a guy who takes it up the ass."
"You're not man enough to handle a woman."
"Stick to what you know kid."
"Play with the cards you've been dealt with, fucking pig."

The list goes on and on like that. But the worst was when I started self-harming and attempting to kill myself. First I started off with trying to starve myself then I went on to full on overdosing on medication and some deep vertical cutting.

Thankfully I had Sasha back then and he noticed these things. I'd been living with major depression and some other precious mind things ever since I was seven.

Sasha knew how I got and what I looked like when I was "slipping" as he put it. He saved my life, essentially took better care of me than anyone ever could. At eighteen Sasha encouraged me to work hard so I could get into university in New York.

He wanted to do this so that he'd be able to keep an eye on me and get me away from my abusive family and "friends". His plan worked out great and here I am, alive and happy.

Or at least I usually am.

I often feel like sixteen year old me when I have a depressive episode coming on, I haven't had a severe one in months actually. But today...today something in my brain was playing around and decided not to be nice about it.

I rummaged through my drawers and cupboards looking for my medication. My anxiety was reaching a very unwanted level and I was about to have the panic attack of my life since age sixteen.

Fortunately for me I found my medication but it was only so fast. So I spent fifteen minutes dealing with an anxiety attack instead. "You're fine Toby..." I whispered to myself when I finally calmed down.

"You're fine."
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A/N
I realised that you guys didn't get to read a little more about Tobias's life in earlier stages like you did Lathaniel so here it is. A little glimpse into Toby's past. And you guys know me, I can never just have "normal" main characters. But either way I hope you guys are enjoying the book so far.
Bii
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