Save Me

Chapter Thirty Eight

I opened my eyes to complete darkness..

My head was pounding and I can't remember anything. I was laying down. I reached out and felt a soft blanket around me. Sitting up slowly, I rubbed my head groaning softly. My eyes felt soar from all the crying I did. The last thing I remember was his face. His piercing dark blue eyes... The disgusting smirk of my step father. He came back for me. How'd he even know where I was? I let out an uneven breath as I stood up from the soft bed.

No carpet? This can't be my room. Where am I? I walked around trying to find the light switch. That's when I heard someone walking around. I froze in place. I could hear my pulse in my ears, as I stepped back. Fear was taking over quickly, as I felt someone's presence in front of me. I reached forwards with a shaky hand feeling a hard, warm chest. My hand reached higher to this persons face. I stepped a bit closer and a familiar scent filled my nose.

Cinnamon and mint...

Justin...

I stepped back quickly, the back of my knees hitting the foot of the bed making me fall onto it. I gasped at the fact that he was even here. He stepped closer and I saw his face, from the moonlight that was coming from the window. I throat went dry. My heart squeezed.

A part of me wanted to jump into his arms... Then there was the part of me that wanted to slap him... We stared at each other. Standing there in immense silence. I wanted to say something put I couldn't. The words just won't come out.

His eyes.. Looked pained...

After what seemed like eternity of silence, Justin fell to his knees in front of me, burying his face into my lap. I sat there looking at the broken man in my lap. I didn't know what to do. This was the first time I'm seeing him in seven months. Why is this so hard? Why isn't my mind letting my heart forgive like I want too? Why isn't it allowing me to do what I want to do?! I inhaled slowly putting my hands to my side.

Justin's hands wrapped around my waist as he looked up at me, our faces now only inches apart. I want to cry.. This is the man who broke my heart. My first love broke my heart. An now he's here. What am I suppose to do?

"I'm so so sorry. I left you. Forgive me...." He croaked putting his head on my shoulder. My heart was racing. I can't find my words.

Did he... Save me? Did he take me away from my step dad? Did Justin come for me from wherever he was and help me?

"Say something.. Please." He whispered, tightening his grip around me. I didn't react. I couldn't react. I'm in shock. Why can't I remember anything, god damn it?!

"Please say something, so I know you're real.." He begged, looking me in the eyes.

"You left..." I blurted out, tears escaping now. Now I was alert. I pushed him off of me standing up. I ran a finger through my hair sniffling.

"I came back.."

"Why? You left for a reason..." I crossed my arms across my chest, staring at him, well what I could see of him. I just wanted to know why he left in the first place. Justin got up and walked pass me. All of a sudden the lights turned on I turned around and saw Justin running his fingers through his hair.

"I left to protect you." He sighed walking towards me. Not this shit again. "To protect me?! Justin you broke up with me through a voice mail! I didn't eat or do anything because of you! You made me so depressed! You made me think it was my fault! So fuck that shit! Protecting me?! Ha! Get real!" I sneered, my chest heaved with every breath I took. I was so pissed off and heart broken at the same time.

"Being with me comes with a price. A price I don't want you to pay. Being with me, means being with my lifestyle. And that shit sucks! I hate the fact that I left you! But you have to understand that I left you to keep you safe!" Justin said, his voice was cracking slightly, as if he had been crying. I sat down on the bed. I stared at Justin. He stood there with his wild hair, white tight V neck and baggy grey sweats. His eyes were slightly puffy and his cheeks were rosy.

"I don't want you to protect me. I don't need you to do that for me." I declared, grinding my teeth together slightly. Justin walked towards me and stood where he was earlier.

"Why not?" He asked squatting, so that we were now staring at each other. I just wanted to kiss him. I just wanted to throw this whole entire predicament away and just love him.

"Because it seems that you focus so much on protecting me that it comes off as a job to you. That the time we spent together was a job not a relationship." I confessed, tears now pouring down my cheeks. I sniffled and wiped them away. It was true. I never did feel like we were in a real relationship.

"Don't feel like that.." Justin put his hands on my thighs, "I care about you.. I did that because I cared about you. Okay. So don't act like you're the only one who was hurting because I was hurting everyday without you. I missed you so fucking much. You don't even know.." He continued to speak as he rubbed circles on my thighs. I looked around the room trying to avoid his eye contact. This is to much for me right now. My eyes roamed the room till I landed on women's lingerie in the corner. I sighed, letting out a shaky chuckle.

"Justin... You're a lying piece of shit. And I just wanna go home." I said with anger in my voice as I stood up again, looking for my shoes. Yeah he missed me! Fucking other bitches is considering missing me?! Whatever!

"What are you talking about?" He questioned, standing up as well. I stopped and looked at him.

"That fucking underwear in the corner says it all. Justin I just wanna go home! I fucking wish I never met you." I yelled at him. He flinched slightly, but stood there. "Really? If you hadn't met me you would probably be dead! Hell! If you didn't even know me you'd probably would've gotten raped for the second time!" He yelled back, but his voice louder and filled with more rage. I breathed in slowly, trying not to remember that night.

"I DIDNT ASK YOU TO SAVE ME! For the last fucking time that was your god damn choice, Justin! Why didn't you just leave me to there to die? It'll save me all the pain of having to see your face and the trouble I seem to be causing you!" I screamed back, my heart was in so much pain from the whole situation. Justin's eyes saddened as he looked down. I can't handle all these emotions that are going through me.

Ugh! Where the fuck are my fucking shoes? I looked around until I found them by the door. I picked them up, slipping them on and started my way towards the door. I just wanna forget about Justin.

"Why do you feel pained to see my face?" Justin whispered, as my hand reached for the door knob. I froze looking down. God, I can't stop crying.

"Is it because I'm a monster? A drug dealer? A pathetic asshole?" He whispered more harshly. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear sniffling.

"No.. It's because, you made me care about you in ways I never thought I'd care about someone.. You're the person who made me believe that life is worth living.. Because there's people like you who can make anyone happy.. You were my happiness.. You're the.." I sucked in a shaky breath before I continued," You're the first person after my mom died that I've ever loved.. And you just left me.. That's why I can't look at you.. Cause it's painful." I explained, looking at the golden door knob through my blurry vision.

"I loved you.." I mumbled before I opened the door, leaving Justin..

For... I don't know how long...