--Six time award winning novel by June D. Silver-
"Hidden truths are unspoken lies"
As a straight A student, Finnley never got himself into trouble. He goes to school, runs track, hangs out with his two best friends Cristian and Emma and studies; a...
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- Sunday, February 14th, 2016 -
– 23 days after the disappearance –
I feel like a zombie ever since waking up. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I had to, because my mom forced me to tag along to church; telling me I had to pray for Finnley to come back home safe. I had to look presentable, but I felt sick to my stomach only looking at my reflection.
Not a word of the service got through to me. I noticed when Finnley's parents were called to come forward and I noticed how everybody went silent in a joined prayer for his return. I couldn't help but feel miserable about myself.
I committed multiple sins already and the worst part about it, is the fact I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed sleeping with a guy. It's sick and twisted to even think about it. I don't know what had gotten into me last night. I felt so horny and I longed for his hands to touch me everywhere.
But it's not right. I'm supposed to love a woman, marry one, have kids. A normal life. Not one consisting of sins.
Look at the position Finnley got himself into by giving into wrong feelings. He accepted being gay, he even went as far as sleeping with multiple guys.
And then I went on and felt miserable because instead of focusing on praying for his safe return, I could only be selfish and think about myself and the things I've done wrong lately.
Is finding Finnley important enough for me to go against everything I believe in? I already have been seduced to bad things, like drugs and sleeping with a guy. What more would I do while retracing his steps? While hanging out with friends that are obviously a bad influence.
I have to find out what happened to him, I know I have to. But I can't lose myself in the process. I don't want to go to hell. I don't even want to think about Finnley going to hell. But that is what the priest talked about. How Finnley made a lot of wrong decisions and now he had to suffer. Because God knows all.
His parents are long forgiven over the fact they accepted him taking medications instead of following Gods paved way. They confessed their sins and they realized they had been weak, seduced into going against God's will. But they only did it out of love for their son.
Is that what I'm doing? Am I doing all of these things out of love for Finnley? Just plain simple love for my best friend.
But then again, I already know I'm not the perfect Christian person in the world. I drink, I had sex multiple times before marriage, not even intending on having a relationship with any of those girls. I commit sins multiple times a week. But those sins aren't that bad, right? It's just part of being a teenager. Like my mom and dad always say, they did the same kind of stuff when they were young. But they eventually married and had me, like they were supposed to.
