Guys, I'm Gay

Chapter One

"Did you even love me?"

I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Every night it's the same feeling over and over again, 'wow, today was so short. Here I am back in bed again' then I close my eyes and try to block out the pain. I lay in my silent tears with my earbuds in, listening to you sleeping on the phone. I'd hear you and things would get better, life would fix itself and I felt safe knowing you were there. Everything was okay.

Lately I've been going to sleep alone, I don't charge my phone at night and I don't brush my hair anymore. I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up, so why bother to try? I lay there and contemplate calling you but I know it's wrong. You don't want me anymore so you wouldn't answer. I was used and abused and lost all hope for life.

I met a girl on a dating app and she seems really nice, way to pretty to want me but it's a way to escape the pain I've been in. Getting to know people and be outgoing again really helps me calm down. I met a girl and now we're friends on snapchat. I met a girl and she doesn't text me like she first did. I met a girl and it was barely a fling.

I close my eye and see all the pretty lights, the flashbacks from watching my favorite show. Now that you're gone I have time to do things that I enjoy, I have time to have hobbies and interests again. I watched a show and became obsessed with a character. I watched a show and I attempt to draw fan art. I watched a show and bought merch. I watched a show about kids finding another kid who went to the upside down. I watched a show called Stranger Things.

I found out I like to draw and make people happy. I found out I like to be happy. I found out I don't need a relationship to be happy. I found out that abusive relationships are hard. I found out that you play the victim and played mind games. I found out I'm innocent, I never hurt you. I found out people are manipulative. I found out you had people put your name in their bios to make me jealous. I found out you lied to me about friendships. I found out I meant nothing to you.

I'm starting a new story, the story of me. Not my love with you, but my love with me. I'm writing a story about falling in love with myself and my purpose is to show people that there is hope. My story is beginning. Now.