Guys, I'm Gay

Who Am I?

Before I came out as Lesbian, I thought I was Transgender. I thought that sense I'm a masculine person, I like girls and I would choose to wear a tuxedo over anything if I could, that I was a man. I truly believed that one day I will have facial hair, and that would make me happy. And to be honest, I still wonder about it sometimes.

Anyways, I had the discussion of my feelings with a friend of mine who is Transgender, Ftm. He told me that it was normal what I was feeling, and if I wanted to be a male, I was a male and nobody could tell me otherwise.

It was three A.M. and we were sitting on a bench at the park, that's when we found the perfect name for me. Tyler. I loved the name and I felt comfortable with it. I was happy for six months but then I felt something wasn't right...

I quit talking to everyone, I went back to Emma, I would lock myself in my room and not come out unless I had to go to school, but usually I'd pretend to be sick and never go. I was depressed, I would lay in bed at night and think of ways to kill myself, I'd text my girlfriend at the time and tell her I was going crazy- that I probably won't wake up if I fell asleep. I was that way for two months. I hated myself, I hated the world, I'd see LGBT people on Twitter and in real life who were so happy and I was wondering why I wasn't the same.

I grabbed a notebook and wrote anything and everything in it, then I felt a little better. After reading it for the millionth time I realized that I was gay. I just liked girls, there was nothing more, nothing less. And I didn't need to have an excuse for liking girls, I didn't have to be a boy- I just had to be me. And that made me feel a whole lot better.

I started leaving my room, I started talking to my family, I started going to school more, I started coming out to friends and knowing they accepted me made me so happy because I could be open about my feelings, I didn't need to hide anymore.

Now like I said, I'm a happy openly gay teenager who frolics around High School and gushes if some cute girl talks to me. But I'm dedicated to my crush, I'm waiting for the day when we will cuddle and make out with each other. I'm waiting patiently. Hahaha I'm a sad person.