Something different (interacial love) process of editing

Chapter 19.

When I walk out the cafeteria, I decide to go across the school to the secret room and rest my head from all this stress Josiah, James, and Kayla are giving me. I wish I could see Sam, but she is out of town with her father.

Once I reach it, I feel hands behind me, on my waist, then move towards my mouth, covering them. I freak out and begin to struggle and push my arms around me to hit the person and I fail completely.

"Anamarie, it's me." Josiah lets go and he comes in front of me. "Sorry, I was trying to scare you. I took it too far. I am sorry."

I am calming myself and I shake my head."It's okay. I just came here to relax." I say, opening the door, and Josiah follows in after me. I go to lay on the bed, with the front of my body facing the roof and then I remembered what Kayla said and I look over at Josiah, who is pulling the chair out to sit.

"Josiah, I need to ask you something." I say, still laying down, holding my fingers above me and playing with them.

"Yeah, what is it?" He says, pushing the chair back underneath the table, and walking over to the bed, sitting by my legs, facing my direction.

"Kayla came to me after we departed, shoved me into a locker, and threatend me. She also said that you two have been dating since last month and that I need to stop following you around like a mutt." I say, furrowing my eyebrows and I look at his expression, which is neither shocked or angry. 

"I..." He releases a breath and he is scratching the back of his head embarrassed, and now I am sitting up, shocked.

"What's going on?" I say feeling a little anger rising up.

"I was going to tell you. I didn't know how, so that's why I haven't replied to you lately or seen you." He says looking away.

"What? You kept this from me for a month! What do you mean you were going to tell me?" I am yelling now.

"Well Kayla caught me off guard. When we stopped kissing on the deck a month ago, I went inside and I began dancing with Kayla, then she wanted to go to my room to get away from everyone and she said out of no where "date me" and I was not even paying attention and said yeah.  I did not want to tell her I didn't mean it. I knew her for too long and.." He looses breath.

"Are you serious? You are telling me you just went along with it? I can't believe you kiss me and then kiss her. What am I, breakfast and lunch? While she's dinner and dessert? How could you?!" I get off the bed and stand up in front of him, and he gets up too, now standing over me.

"You are one to talk Anamarie. You are dating James and you have me as your second option. I do not even want to hear this coming from you. You are no better." 

When he said that, my heart sunk, and he just hurt me real bad. I start backing up and he moves forward,"Ana. I didn't mean it like that. I am sorry. It's just that, if you can have a boyfriend, why can't I have a girlfriend?" He says putting his hand on mines and I smack it away, tears forming in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"I see how things work now. Well if you want you can stay with her and I with James. This was a huge mistake and I am really starting to see that now." 

"Ana, please. Listen to me."

"I told you not to call me that. Please!" I say, now falling to the floor and tears falling out like a waterfall. I am shaking now and Josiah comes to my side and I try to push him away, but he is stronger and he places both hands on my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" 

"Why do you have to call me that? That's what my brother and father called me a lot and even til the day they died. Why do I have to hear it again?" I say sobbing with my hands on my face.

"I'm really sorry." Josiah says again.

"My brother was on the phone with me and I heard the whole crash. The drunk driver hit them from the side and the car flipped and the last thing I heard was my brother saying my name. When the ambulance got there, they were already dead. I do not want to hear that name, please."

"Sorry." Josiah says with his head faced down and he pulls me into embrace and I cry into his chest.

A few minutes later, I move up from his chest and look at him, and he places his hand on my face and I begin speaking,"I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want us to be together. Just let us stay away from each other. It is better this way. We are lying to many people and we will hurt them."

He stares at me and has so much pain on his face. He doesn't reply and stays there quietly, while I get up to leave to my next class.

"Anamarie. You shouldn't let their death bother you. You need to be happy. You have to try to let it go. They probably wanted to tell you that they loved you before they died. You were on the phone with them, and they probably called out your name to let you know they are still there." He says, still sitting on the ground, watching me leave.

I turn back to look at him and then I step out of the room, leaving him behind, and leaving my emotions for him there as well. If I want this to stop, I need to keep my emotions for him locked up.

I'm sorry Josiah.