my luck

t w e n t y e i g h t

A/N
Guys I'm really sorry about the boxes it's my phone it doesn't look like that when I'm writing just when I️ publish the story I️ am updating my phone tonight

Brennan pov: "Annie I️ told you I️ wouldn't, I️ promised you." Brennan I'm serious about this you can not kill yourself if I️ die you have to move on from me "move on from you...never" I️ moved closer to her lips and she pushed me away. Brennan I'm serious! She screamed she now had tears coming down her face. I️ can't be the reason you... I️ would never forgive myself "Annie I️ told you I️ wouldn't I️ won't...but I can't promise I'm going to be okay...that I️ am going to be happy. I️ can't love anyone ans it's impossible. You are my forever and that is a promise that I️ am not willing to break" I️ was now crying holding her tight in my arms "I️ can't lose you" I️ pulled a blanket over us and we fell asleep.
I️ woke up the next day early I️ squirmed my way out of Annie's arms grabbed a banana and jumped into my car. I️ had therapy early then I️ was meeting Annie for her first treatment. I️ slowly opened the door to the office and saw my whole family waiting for me "you guys didn't have to come" I️ said as I️ hugged all of them. Bren that was the first full sentence you said to us in weeks. We needed to come. Katie said pulling me in closer. "You are right and I'm sorry about that. I'm here to fix it but I️ think this is something I️ need to do without my parents or little siblings hearing I️m not ready to tell you guys everything yet. I'm sorry. I'll see you after" My family exchanged looks with each other and sat down my name was called and I️ followed a lady down the hallway. She led me to a small room with a couch and a chair. I️ sat on the couch picking at the skin around my nails until a lady with short brown curly came in she sat in the chair besides me. So brennan what's been going on, talk to me.
"A lot actually...I️ don't know where to start"
Your family is worried about you I️ know that. Why are they worried "I️ um haven't been talking to them a ton I️ don't think I️ had a full conversation with them in a few months, I've been living with my girlfriend and her parents. She has cancer and she's dying and I don't know how to handle it I️ tried being strong for her but it didn't work and ended up making me I️ don't really know." I️t all cane spilling out of my mouth but then I️ slowed down "I️ um I've been having these thoughts no one but my girlfriend knows about them but I️ think my family suspects it. I️ just I️ don't know what to do if...when she dies. I️ don't want to live without her. To an unhealthy level."
Brennan do you harm yourself? She asks putting her hand on my knee I️ don't say anything and she starts talking again. Brennan I️ promise I won't tell your parents this is confidential between us but I️ need to know for your safety and to best treat you, do you cut yourself? "No...I️...I've thought about it but I️ have no reason to right now she is still here but I️ have a plan" a plan for what the therapist says leaning forward in her chair "to be with Annie when she dies..." as I say that I️ pull my knees towards my chest placing my head on top. I️ can't believe I️ just admitted that I️ started to cry. A lot. Ok I️ think that is enough for today...brennan it sounds the thought of your girlfriend dying is sending you spiraling down a slippery slope and I'm going to start you on an anti depressant I️ don't need you here everyday but at least once a week but if you ever need to talk you can come in. I️ nodded my head and unfolded myself from my cradled position I️ had been in on the couch. I️ grabbed my prescription note and headed out the door towards my family not really bothering to wipe my tears. I️ walked out and immediately engulfed katie in a hug "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you I've just got a lot on my mind. I'll talk to you now I️ promise. You want to tag along with me to Annie's appointment?" If you don't mind I️ would love to katie said smiling. What's that my mom said pointing to the prescription note in my hand. "Um just some notes to help me think some stuff through" I️ lied she didn't need to know that her son had to go on anti depressants. Katie gave me a look and I️ grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the office "we are gonna be late see you guys later" I️ yelled behind me. Spill. Katie said the second the door closed behind us. "Fine they are anti depressants but Mom and Dad don't need to know and neither does Annie so mouth shut Kate. " Bren you know how I️ feel about you not telling Annie stuff. Mom and Dad I️ can keep a secret but Annie already knows you might as well tell her you are getting help for it. I️ nodded my head as we got into my car. I️ started it up and we drove towards Annie's appointment.
We get to the hospital and jump out of the car making our way towards the pediatric oncology ward I️ ask for Annie's name at the nurses station and they send us back. "Hey ans" I️ say kissing her forehead as I️ walk to her side. Just as I️ grab her hand the doctor comes in. So this might feel the same as chemo, the sickness, the lethargic feeling, nauseousness, headache, constipation, hair loss. However it is a lot more rigorous and the symptoms can become a lot more violent. Ring your call button if she passes out, seizes, or starts throwing up blood please. I️ nod and Annie looks at me horrified I️ reassuringly squeeze her hand and smile and she loosens up. So where were you this morning bren I️ missed you. "Oh um you know this should be a more private conversation" I️ hinted as everyone began to disperse from the room. "Remember what we talked about yesterday?" Ya about you and your feelings and therapy Annie said as she patted the empty space next to her on the bed. I️ sat down and continued "I️ had my first session this morning" why didn't you tell me bren I️ could of come with "this is my problem ans I️ dont need to drag you into it" it's your problem because of me bren. Anyway how did it go did you get anywhere? "Um kinda... I️ got some medicine that is suppose to help but my parents don't know and I️ don't want them to because it sounds scary and I️ don't want them freaking out over me" what are they bren, should they be freaking out? "They are anti depressants just to make sure I️ don't dig myself a deeper hole than I already have I️ am working on my feeling and understanding what I️ am going through but they are just there to help push me up a little" Bren...are you..."depressed? No. Impossible when I'm with you. It's just I️ get this overwhelming feeling when I️ think about not having you and I️ get stuck in that feeling and I️ get anxious. I️ even had a panic attack once but no one knows about that." Bren what can I️ do I️ want to help you she said sweetly stroking my cheek. "Get better that is the best possible thing you can do for me right now" she smiled and I️ snuggled close to her. You know you have to tell your parents right bren. Yes they might keep a closer eye on you but it would be helpful "ya I️ know I'm just scared. Can we tell yours first?" She nodded and laid her chest on me.