Life behind the fame; A Conor Maynard fanfiction

Chapter 18

Conor's P.O.V

11.46. My eyes scan the gloomy room as I tiredly turn over to my back. Oh how I craved a drink, yet the vodka bottle on my bedside table was long gone and neither me or Jack had been out to get some more for the past few days.

It was good I told myself, because not having access to it made me stay sober and the depression made me stay in bed, not having the mental strength to push through the pain.

Three days was what I'd managed so far and it was probably the longest period of time since I started.

I'd never been a heavy drinker, only partying on weekends and occasional birthdays. In other words had I been a good boy, I'd worked on the weekdays and I'd made sure to spend enough time with my friends and family.

Now everything was different and everyone knew I'd changed. Honestly I hate it, the way everything now has shattered, it felt like a decade since I actually enjoyed living, since the pain didn't lurk around every single corner.

Pushing myself up do I pull on the hoodie I wore a few days ago, the day that I actually left my bed for a few hours.

It stinks of sweat and reminds me of the fact that I need to buy some more deodorant.

The loud laughs from Jack and the twins make me cringe, filming a video was honestly the last thing that I wanted to do right now yet a promise is a promise, isn't it.

"You ready?"

Jack look over at me from where he's sat on the sofa, Lucy and Lydia on either side of him, large smiles plastered on their faces as they spot me.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

The girls chuckle, their high pitched voices making me miss the old times when Victoria used to still be around me.

The first video is for Jack's channel apearantly, twin telepathy I think it's called. Something about a challenge between the girls and me and Jack.

Honestly I don't care. I mean I try my best to stay focused on the video, to not drift off into my inner mind yet in the end I'm just about managing, cracking joke after joke just to not make the people at home suspect anything.

The next is the whisper challenge, in which one player is supposed to wear headphones with loud music playing while trying to guess what their teammate is saying.

I go with Lucy, mainly because Jack and Lydia instantly team up, giggling like little kids as they go to fetch the headphones in my office.

"It's nice to see you happy again Conor"

Lucy place her hand on my thigh and I instantly seize up. It just didn't feel right, as if her hand on my body wasn't meant to be.

And happy, Oh how wrong she was, apparently my acting skills was on top today.

It wasn't the way it felt when Alaska touched me, the electricity that always made my skin tingle wasn't there.

"You want anything to drink?"

I stand up, mainly to get rid off the feeling of her on my body but also because I wanted some water.

"No I'm fine thank you"

Humming an answer do I walk over to the kitchen, the laughter from Jack and Lydia echoing in my office as I grab a glass from the cupboard.

"Jack come on!"

Silence and then the sound of him and Lydia returning to the living room, rosy cheeked as they sit down next to one another.

I swear I could see the tint of Lydia's lipstick on Jack's lips yet maybe I'm just seeing things, my mind often making me imagine stuff that actually aren't true.