Life behind the fame; A Conor Maynard fanfiction

Chapter 46

Conor's POV

"Urgh"

I roll over to my back, grabbing my phone from the side to turn off the alarm that Alaska had set as she left earlier. She was now as well as she could at least work halftime, treatments not affecting her as much as they used to anymore and this meant no more lay-ins for her. 

Usually I'd be up at the time she leaves, around eight, half eight in the morning but as my sleep had been pretty much nonexistent, my insomnia keeping me up at night had she let me off this morning, meaning I got to stay in bed until half eleven.     

If I could I'd be lying in bed all damn day though cause honestly, that has been everything I have been doing for the past week or so. Being fucking tired could make your whole life fall apart, I swear.  

But today is supposed to be different, with sessions and meetings planned until late and then dinner with Alaska as I'd promised for literally the past like three weeks. She is way too patient with me when it comes down to promises. 

I have to film a video later on as well. I'd recorded my vocals quite a while ago but just hadn't got around to film the video yet. Mainly because of the success of my last one. I don't know if this is just me but I always have to make something better each time I do it. I can't put out a good cover one week and then make one that's worse than the last one next time around. This meant that the pressure always increased each time a video did better than expected. 

It doesn't matter that the fans tell me they don't care or if Alaska says it's fine. I need to be one hundred percent happy with it before I even feel the will to record a video for it. So, therefore, I'd put extra time and effort into this one video, getting Anth to feature on a verse and even produced pretty much the whole track by myself. Even Alaska had been overly surprised when I showed her a few days ago 

Yet before I even get a chance to do anything that had to do with my silly little YouTube hobby were there meetings and sessions with potential producers and songwriters that had shown interest in working with me on a track. 

Grabbing my clothes do I jump in the shower quickly. I haven't showered in what feels like weeks so I know I for sure am in need of a proper wash this morning. If you could call quarter to twelve the morning. 

Jack's down in Brighton over this weekend so I finally get the flat to myself, or I mean, Alaska's around at most times but I don't think that counts as she isn't someone that bother me much. In that case, does she actually make my life easier in many aspects. 

I can hear my phone ringing but just decide to ignore it, it would be too risque to run across the wet bathroom floor anyway and I'd mind not getting my head cracked open today. Instead, I continue to let the water drench me, my skin burning as I turn up the temperature a bit. It was a habit I'd had for a while, the burning taking my mind off the pain I'm constantly experiencing internally. 

It always left my skin red and sore afterwards and nothing hurt more than drying your body with a rough towel, I can assure you that. This being exactly what I now was doing. 

The rash on my skin dies down a bit as I pull a white T-shirt over my head, my lifeless eyes looking back at me through the reflection in the mirror. You could easily tell I'm sleep-deprived, my eyes rimmed red as if I'd smoked marijuana for hours on end, it's crazy what lack of sleep can do to you. 

I walk back out to my bedroom, grabbing the jeans I wore yesterday, the small stain that had been left on them not bothering me enough to make me go to find another pair. Who have I become? The pop star that never was able to leave the house unless the outfit was on point and with a hair that usually took at least half an hour to style. Now I'm going out in dirty clothes and towel dried hair, not even bothering with doing my teeth cause I already know I've got at least three cavities by this point.