Life behind the fame; A Conor Maynard fanfiction

Chapter 45

Alaska's POV 

Waking up in an empty bed is literally the worst and seeing Conor wasn't asleep beside me gave away the fact that he hadn't slept anything tonight either. It didn't matter how much I tried to get him to understand that he wouldn't be able to live like this forever, he still spent every single night in the studio just to stroll in early in the morning. It was easy to tell how his body had started to give up, how much he was hurting and still, he kept telling me he was fine, that nothing was up. 

I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes as I sit up on the edge of the bed. The effects from yesterday's treatment are still noticeable and I hate that my body still hasn't gotten used to the chemotherapy. It just made everything so much harder when you're constantly nauseous for like two days. 

Not that it's much that I can do to it, I guess it just has to happen if I want to survive this fucking disease. I grab one of Conor's hoodies that he'd thrown on the floor in his bedroom, pulling it over my head before taking a few wobbly steps over to the bathroom. 

I look a mess, my face as pale as the tiles behind me and I just shake my head, pressing out a pill from the chart of tablets, the small white thing looking invincible in my palm. It still feels weird taking hormones every day but what was there to do when your period cramps literally make it impossible to live a normal life once a month. 

After swallowing it with a mouthful of tap water do I throw my dirty hair up in a messy bun on the top of my head, adding some light makeup to my face to try and make myself look a little bit more alive. 

Usually, I went makeup-free pretty much all the time, at least since I got together with Conor. I just don't feel as if I've got something to prove and Conor likes it better natural so why bother. But now I don't feel anywhere near comfortable in my own skin, the treatment making me look pretty much unrecognisable. 

"Jack, you seen my bomber, bro?"

 Conor's voice can be heard from downstairs and I sigh, finishing my face off quickly so that I'll get to say bye before he goes out again. 

I jog down the beige carpeted stairs, spotting Conor stood in the kitchen talking to Jack who's sat on the sofa in the lounge. 

"I just don't know if she'll think it's a good idea though"

"Conor..."

Jack nods over at me making me stop as both the brothers' attention turns to me. 

"Oh, hey baby. I thought you were asleep"

Why is he acting strange all of a sudden? 

"Naah, you going out?" 

I walk up to him and he gets the hint, wrapping his arms around my waist, quickly pulling me into a hug. Honestly, I don't think there's anything better than Conor's hugs. 

"Yeah, got some rehearsals but I'll be back before you notice I'm gone, okay?" 

He lifts me up on to the kitchen counter and I instantly get flashbacks from like one of the first nights that we spent together. Yet this time he's sober and his brother is sat in the same room quite literally. 

"But I haven't seen you in ages"

I pout and he sighs, pushing a stray strand of my hair behind my ear before leaning his forehead against mine. He'd been really busy lately, meetings and studio sessions making him pretty much have to sleep in his studio. Not that he slept but you get what I mean. 

"I'll get back before dinner and then we can go out and eat together like we used to" 

If it wasn't for the fact that I know he's only saying this to make me feel better about the situation would I actually be happy for real. But that isn't the case, Conor most likely won't get back in time and I'll have to spend the evening alone as usual. Still, I always hope he'll change, that one day will be the one and he'll keep his promise.