50 Shades Without You

Chapter 38

Ella's P.O.V

"Goodmorning Liv" I mumble as I take Liv out of her crib. She squeaks and smiles. I smile back at her. I made that. I throw on a pair of gray joggers and a green cropped hoodie. Pajamas to pajamas. I spend the day looking at apartments, talking to Harrison and Victor, and taking care of Olivia. Around 4 I get a call from Sam. "Hey, Ell!"I hear him yell over some music. "Hi, Sam" I respond. 

"I'm gonna be staying in Vegas with Stass, Kels, and Derek for the next few days. I'll see you soon." He yells. "Alright, bye Sam. Love you, be safe" I tell him. "Love you, ugly. See ya" He slurs. I chuckle and hang up. I set Liv in her seat and start cooking. I hum to myself, not necessarily content but better than some days. A knock comes from the door and I quickly open the door. "Shawn! Hi" I smile, surprised to see him. "You weren't answering your phone and I was bored" He shrugged and walked in. I chuckle and lead him back to the kitchen.

"I was looking at that apartment in your building and I think I might get it." I tell him as I stir the pasta. "I thought you'd like it" He nods, picking up Olivia. He sits down on the counter holding Olivia on his lap. "She's getting bigger" Shawn smiles down at her. "She's almost 6 months" I galnce at them. "Can't she start eating real food soon?" Shawn asks. "Yep, she'll still breast feed but I'll probably start letting her eat food-food" I strain the pasta. 

"Trust me, no one minds your boobs being out" Shawn adds. I roll my eyes. "Can you put her on her blanket" I nod toward the ground. He lays her on her stomach. "I want her to start learning how to crawl" I tell him, plating my food. She squirms her legs and arms around rolls over onto her back. Shawn sits down on the floor and takes her little hands, sitting her up. "She sits up on her own?" Shawn asks. "Almost" I nod. 

We eat and even try to feed Liv some applesauce. She laughs, spitting it out a bit, she eats it otherwise. "Oh god I feel like I'm stealing a right of passage from Jack" Shawn helps me clean up. "It's okay" I laugh. We play with Liv for awhile before I put her to sleep. 

"We should watch a movie or something" I say, plopping down on the couch. "Yeah, let's watch Hush" Shawn sits down next to me, one arm lazily draped behind me. "You know me too well, Mendes" I put the movie on. "It's weird" I mumble. "What?" Shawn looks down at me. "Tonight was the first time I felt like Liv had.. I don't know- a family?" I shrug awkwardly. "Ell... I don't know what to say" Shawn looked concerningly at me.

"You don't have to say anything. Forget I said anything" I half smile at him and kiss his cheek before turning back to the screen. He wraps his arm tightly around me and I lean into his chest. "I'm glad I can give you two that.. at least" He whispers after awhile. I smile a little. 

The movie finishes and Shawn yawns, checking the time. "When's Sammy coming home?" Shawn asks. "He's staying in Vegas for a few days" I say, getting up. "Hm, so it's just you and Liv" He comments. I nod and walk into the kitchen to get water. Shawn follows. "So, I should probably stay the night- ya know, just in case" Shawn adds. "Oh, yeah. Probably" I smile sarcastically. He smiles and I shake my head. 

"You just gonna sleep in your sweats?" I ask as we walk into my room. He lifts off his shirt and climbs under the covers. "Yup" He mumurs. I chuckle and walk into the bathroom to change. I slide a big shirt on and shorts. Shawn lifts the cover and I climb in next to him. He pulls me close and I look up at him. "I love you... thank you" I kiss him lightly. "I love you" He says quietly and we both fall asleep.

A FEW HOURS LATER

I wake up, breathing heavily. Something just wasn't right. I throw on some clothes and get into my car. I drive hastily to Jack's. I knock three times but pull the key from out under a rock, unlocking the door. I rush up to his room. I open the door and I find Jack on top of Claire, grunting. "Jack, we need to talk" I announce casually. "Ella, what the fuck! What's wrong?" He throws himself off her and  slides on his boxers. "Just meet me in the front yard, okay? Do.. whatever" I huff and run back down the stairs. 

I can hear Jack making excuses as Claire whines. I sit outside on the step of his house for a minute. He walks out in sweats and a sweatshirt. "Ell, what's wrong?" He runs his hand through his hair. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I was seeing him all messy and real. "I- I know you want me to move on because you think you're hurting me- or something. But I'm hurting a lot more when you aren't with me and-" 

Jack cuts me off by kissing me. "Jack.." I whisper as he pulls back. "I love you Ella" He mutters. He sits next to me. "What about Shawn?" He asks. "I love him but.. but no one can replace you" I lean my head on his shoulder. "Are you sure? I don't want anything to happen. I don't wanna mess it up" Jack takes my hand in his. "How many times are we going to push eachother away?" I look at him. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'll talk to Claire, you can talk to Shawn" He says and stands up. 

"Yeah- yeah. I don't know why I came here" I stand up too. "I'll see you and Liv tomorrow" He kisses my forehead and I just nod. I get back in my car and take a deep breath before letting my head fall back agaisnt the seat. I feel.. stupid. I drive home, checking the time as I pull into the drive way. Only 1 AM. I tip-toe back into my room just to see Shawn holding Liv, rocking her and quietly 'shh'ing her. "I'm so sorry" I say and come to his side. "Hey, where'd you go?" He asks as I take Liv and change her. 

"I had a weird dream and took a drive" I shrug. "Oh, wanna talk about it?" He asks, not leaving me. "No, no. It's fine" I set Liv back into he crib and sit down on the bed. "What's wrong?" Shawn rubs my back soothingly. "Shawn, I really like you" I start. "But?" He smiles a little. I throw my head back with a groan. "I don't know if I can move on from Jack right now" I sigh. "I get it" Shawn looks me in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Shawn" I tilt my head with guilt. "I'm still gonna be here for you. You're my best friend" He adds. "Thank you. You're my favorite person" I hug him tightly.

"Now let's go back to sleep, I'm tired from being a mom" He yawns and flops down. I giggle and cuddle next to him. "A friend cuddle" He says and holds me. "Yes, a best friend cuddle" I smile, feeling much better. 

((LOWKEY MAD THAT SHAWN AND ELLA CANT BE TOGETHER BUT I COULDNEVER KEEP HER AND JACK APART IDK IDK)))