Invisible

Chapter 43: You're not listening!

Blair's POV

Here we were, Rachel and me in the garden.

I was lying down on the grass, my eyes closed while I just enjoyed the peace and quiet, for now. I felt Rachel's stare on me, she must be worried. I know she is, she was the one I was sure off.

"Nice weather." She suddenly said, and I knew that was her way of trying to make conversation, after what happened inside.

I nodded.

Rachel sighed which made me open my eyes. I saw her sit down next to me, but she was looking away. I wonder what she was thinking. "I'm sorry."

At that I slowly sat up. "Why?"

She looked at me, she seemed very sad. "It's all my fault."

I looked at her, I was so confused. "What do you mean?"

She looked down, fidgeting with her fingers. "I..." She paused for a brief moment, probably thinking about what she's going to say next. "I told Luke." She then looked at me. "I told him, about the trash."

My face dropped, even more. "What?"

She looked down again. "When you went to the toilet, I... I felt something wasn't right. So when you left to go downstairs, I checked."

"You checked what?"

She let out a breath. "I checked for blood. Or pills. Or anything else you could..." She looked down. "I'm sorry."

I looked away. The conversation with Willow came back into my mind. Would people really fear that much about me? Do they really think I'd hurt myself that badly?

"Blair, you can't harm yourself anymore. Please."

I looked at her, she was crying silently. The tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Please." She added again. "I don't like seeing those marks on your arms. It means you got hurt."

I looked at my arms again. Those marks indeed meant I got hurt, but no one hurt me. It was all me, well Willow did it, but I trust her.

"I'm fine."

Rachel looked at me, shaking her head slowly. "You're not."

I looked down, how can she know how I feel? No one's even listening to me. "You don't know how I feel."

"Exactly, I don't." She scooted closer to me. She slowly caressed my face, only to rest her forehead against mine. "You have to tell someone. Anyone."

I slowly closed my eyes, I actually enjoyed her company like this. She always made me relax. She, besides Willow, understood me the best.

"Will you tell someone, for me?" 

I slowly nodded to which I felt her smile. 

"Good." She pulled back a little, only to kiss my forehead. "It's been a long day."

I nodded. "Why can't you stay the night with me? Why do I have to be with mom?"

She looked to the house, before looking back at me. "I suggested that, but Luke's getting pretty jealous."

I raised my eyebrows. "Why?"

"I think he knows something." She looked back to the house. "Maybe it's better for us to not have a sleep over, at least for now." She looked at me. "Ok?"

I nodded but I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt me. 

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That evening, Rachel went back home, she didn't stay over with Luke. He wasn't pleased with that news, but her parents wanted her home. I can't blame them, she's their only daughter.

So Luke spend his evening in his room, alone. Since he was allowed to do that.

My parents watched a movie together. And me, well I have to stay by their side. During the movie I asked mom if I could go to bed, since I was tired. But she wasn't having it. Someone has to be there with you, Blair. I hated that rule. It made me feel like a child, a helpless child. If only they'd try to listen to me...

When the movie was over, and I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, we finally went to bed. Dad stayed downstairs while mom and me went upstairs, to their room.

We entered and mom closed and locked the door. I wonder if she's worried that I'd leave during the night...

I went to the bed and immediately laid down, I was exhausted, I just wanted to sleep now.

Mom got in bed as well but didn't turn off the lights just yet. She was just sitting there, seemingly thinking.

I turned on my side, my back facing her. I was going to sleep, now. And so I tried.

"Blair?"

I opened my eyes and slowly turned back around. "Yes?"

She didn't look at me, she was just staring off at nothing. "Did I fail you as a mother?"

"What?"

She looked down. "Children aren't supposed to harm themselves, they're supposed to be happy and enjoy their young and careless lives." She then looked at me. "Why can't you do that? Why do you choose the difficult route?"

"But mom, I - "

"I know there's obviously something else going on, like the people who threw paint at you..." She looked at me, then at my arms. "But is that really a reason to harm yourself?"

I looked down again, gulping. She didn't understand, she didn't want to understand.

"Help me out, Blair, because we are all lost here."

I kept looking down. "It's just that... People... They are so mean." I looked up at her, looking for some kind of comfort from her, my mother. "And I don't know why me."

She sighed deeply. "According to Luke, the things Nick did before were jokes."

I let out a breath, of course Luke would say that...

"So why do you take it so personal?"

I was shocked to hear my own mother choose Nick's side. "But mom, those weren't jokes, those - "

"Then what were they?"

"He bullied me!" I slowly started crying. "And he still does. The person who filmed that video was Nick, he made his friends throw paint over me. He's mean and hates me, and I don't know why because I haven't done anything to him."

Mom looked at me, she seemed to finally listen to what I was saying. "Well then let's sit around the table with Nick and talk about it."

Talk about it? Is she serious? "But mom, he's mean, he doesn't care about - "

"Blair," She showed me her strict face, so I shut up and looked down. Just like I've been taught. "We'll let him tell his side and then we'll talk about it. Ok?"

I sighed, there was no point in arguing with her, she wouldn't listen anyway. I slowly nodded.

"Good, now get some sleep." Mom snuggled into the sheets. "Tomorrow's a busy day." She reached for the lights. "Goodnight, Blair."

"Goodnight, mom." I slowly closed my eyes, hoping to just be at peace for once.