Valley Forge (Alexander Hamilton x Reader)

17

     After the war Alexander started law school with Burr and Lafayette had gone back to France to help with their revolution. He asked me to come with him but I declined. I can't go back to France to many memories, way to many memories.
     Hercules is back to being a tailor so I see him often but no one has heard from Laurens and it worries me. He is doing what he always wanted fighting with the first black battalion. I pray for his safety each night at the dinner table where I sit alone.
     Like I said Alexander has started law school. So he is always locked up in his office. We live in the same house but I barley see him anymore. I thought once the war would end we could spend time together. Maybe even settle down but I know he will never want to settle he is too fast pace. Always going, going, and going and never stops. He never eats or sleeps anymore I practically have to beg him to take care of himself.
     Washington is being asked to lead the country as our president. I can tell he wants to retire and I pity him. He has done so much already and we are like needy children never letting him rest.
     A quiet knock on the door interrupts my lonely dinner. I make my way to the door and then I open it slowly revealing a man with a somber face and a letter. The sun is gleaming behind him. He hands me the letter quickly and then turns away from me without saying a word. I close the door and I read the front of the letter and my heart drops.
Dear, Alaska Eden and Alexander Hamilton
From, South Carolina
     Tears peak in my eyes. No, no this can't be real. I start to pray as I make my way to Alexander's office.
Father God, my heart is filled with chaos and confusion. I feel as if I am drowning in my circumstances and my heart is filled with fear and confusion. I really need the strength and peace that only you can provide in Jesus' name I pray, Amen
     I'm in front of the door, Alexander is on the other side. My arms lifts and my hand tightens as I place my fist onto the door creating a knock. Nobody answers so I walk into the room.
     "Alexander?" I ask the man slumped in a chair surrounded with books and papers. He jumps in his seat then looks up at me.
     "Oh Alaska! You shouldn't be in here I'm studying," He says as he eyes the room in a panic. I don't respond I just play with the letter in my hands. My breathing gets faster from nerves. I can't open the letter in case the words I dread to read are imprinted in calligraphy.
     "Alaska? What's wrong?" He asks me as he steps closer to me. I look up to his concerned filled eyes. 
     "Um, we've got a letter, from South Carolina," I tell him. His face turns with a smile.
     "Oh it's from Laurens I'll read it later," He makes his way back to his desk.
     "No, It's not," He stops and turns back to me.
     "Will-will you read it for me?" He says quietly.
     "I don-sure," I stutter while I stop fiddling with the letter. I put my index finger in between the seal and letter hearing the haunting ripping of the umber letter. I take out the horrifying calligraphy and the first thing I notice is a tear stain on the side blurring the words British troops.
     I take a deep breath and I start to read...
On Tuesday, the twenty-seventh, Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens was killed in a gunfight against British troops in South Carolina. Tears spill out from my eyes and my breathing quickens as I continue reading. These troops had not yet received word from Yorktown that the war was over. He's buried here until his family can send his remains. As you may know, Lieutenant Colonel Laurens was engaged in recruiting three thousand men for the first all-black military regiment. The surviving members of this regiment have been returned to their masters.
     My eyes are blurry from tears as I finish the letter. I let out a sob as I look up at Alexander's violet-blue eyes. They had small tears and filled with pure heart break. I move in for an embrace when he steps back.
     "I-I have so much work to do," And with that he is back to his writing. My heart shatters as I close his door. I lay my back against his door as I cry. My sobs are loud and my failing heartbeat quiet. I'm shaking and my head is pounding. Half of my face is numb and tingling. I cry louder as I lose feeling in my left side of my body.
      "Al-exa-nder!" I attempt to scream through my sobs. Fear is circling me as I lose the feeling in my body. I start to scream but all I can hear is a ringing. The door behind me opens quickly and I fall back slamming my head onto the hard floor. Alexander is by my side quickly, he has tears in his eyes and his mouth moves. I can't hear what he is saying nor do I care. All I care about is the numbness I feel and the ringing in my ears. I feel Alexander leave me and I can see him rushing down the stairs.
     I don't know how long I was alone as I had passed out. I wake up to see the doctor and Alexander by my side.
     "What's happening?" I ask.
     "Sh, Sh it's okay," Alexander says as he strokes my hair. I can feel panic rising and my breath is quickening.
     "No it's okay! I promise you just breathe," He tells me with concern. I can feel my body starting to shake once again.
     "Help me," Is all say when tears start flowing out of my eyes. I can see the doctor rushing over while Alexander continues to calm me down. The doctor starts to turn me on my side when I pass out once again.
     The room is darker unlike last time and I'm alone in the room. I try not to panic and I search around the room.
     "Alexander?" I call out. I hear footsteps rush in and a candle is suddenly lit next to me revealing Alexander's face.
     "Finally your awake," He says softly as he tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. I smile at him for a moment before I remember John. My smile fades and I shift in the bed suddenly uncomfortable.
     "The doctor said you were having an anxiety attack that lead into a seizure," He tells me.
     "Okay," I say quietly.
     "Have you ever had an anxiety attack before?" He asks me.
     "Yes," I reply.
     "When?" He pushes.
     "Why is this important?" I snap at him.
     "The doctor told me to ask you this," He tells me calmly.
     "After my mother died I use to get them a lot. Then when I was with Noel I would have one every night," I confess.
     "Have you had any in America?" He asks.
     "Twice, the night I kissed you and after a meeting with Washington when he confessed something to me," I say quietly.
     "What did he confess?" He asks with confusion.
     "That he is my father," I have never said it out loud before and the words taste bitter in my mouth. 
     "Oh, Alaska why didn't you tell me?" He asks hurt.
     "We weren't talking when this all happening and plus I couldn't really tell anyone but I did tell John," Saying his name makes me smile as tears fall.
     "It's okay," He cooes softly. We sit in silence until I ask, "Can you lay with me?"
     "Of course," I tells me as he gets into bed with me. We are facing each other so I lay my head into his chest and I fall asleep to the sound of his heart. His heart seems to beat like a harp while mine sounded like drums. Pounding against my chest to the point where it hurts.