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sean's point of view a year later
for a majority of my life, it felt like i was just passing through. i was in one moment, then in a second, i was in another. but i was never really actually there.
i felt like i was just going around, waiting for something.
"sean, are you ready?" mia brings me back to reality, like she always does.
"y-yeah, let's go," i say as i step out of the car and wait for her. we walk across the grassy hill together, with my arm wrapped around her shoulder.
"i'm a little nervous," she says, and she starts fixing her dress then her hair then the bracelets on her arm.
"don't be," i pull her closer to me. "she'd love you, i just know it."
we pass by a couple of other people with flowers in their hand, just like the sunflowers mia had in hers.
we stop at the ever so familiar spot. there we are, standing in front of her grave. her name etched deep into the stone.
mia sets the flowers down then stands back next to me.
"hi mom," i say. "there's someone i want you to meet."
"hi," mia says softly.
"mom," i look up to the sky. "this is my girlfriend, mia. i know you're going to love her. you have a couple of things in common already."
"really? like what?" mia looks up at me.
"well, for starters," i grin. "you guys have the same name. you both love the same flower. and you both love me."
she nudges me with her elbow.
"hey! it's true, isn't it?" i laugh.
"whatever," she rolls her eyes, but i know she agrees with me.
we spend the next couple of hours just talking and telling my mom stories as we try to catch her up from all that's happened since my last visit.
a lot has happened in the last year.
julian finally met his soulmate, and no, it wasn't nat. her name's zoë, and she's perfect for him, at least we all think so.
i took my dad out of the anderson rehab center as soon as i could. he lives with sarah now. he still misses my mom, we all do, but it's not what consumes him anymore.
i still haven't had a drink in years. i realized that i only ever drank to forget everything. but now, i didn't want to forget a single thing.
it gets dark out, and mia thinks it's time for us to go. we say our goodbyes, and i know we'll be back soon.
i drive for a while, and the song 'i wanna get better' by bleachers plays in the background. i look over to mia. her head is leaning on the window and she hums to the music.
♩ i didn't know i was broken 'til i wanted to change ♩
i can't help but smile as i look at her.
♩ i didn't know i was lonely 'til i saw your face ♩
i pull over and park the car in the middle of the empty grassland.
"why'd you stop?"
"i want to remember this moment," i say. "and the stars look really nice."
♩ i wanna get better, i wanna get better ♩
we step out the car, leaving the doors open so the radio still blasts out loud. we sit atop the hood of the car, and she rests her head on my shoulder. i rest mine on top of hers as we stare at the sky.
"you're something that i waited my whole life for," i say softly.
"i love you, more than you know," she says.
i pull her closer to me. a year ago, i told her i'd never let go. i still haven't, and i don't intend to.
the universe hurt me a lot. a lot of times it felt like it took away everything from me. but i finally understand why.
maybe the universe realized mia and i weren't ready to be together when we first met, and that we had too many problems we had to fix on our own. we had to learn to love ourselves before we could love each other. at least that's i think.
a true soulmate goes through all ends to end up together. and i'm sure as hell that's what we did.
"i love you, mia," i whisper.
and so i forgive the world, because despite all of the pain it gave me, it also gave me her.
