Oumasai Random-Whatever-Comes-To-Mind Oneshots (And Stories) [A YEET]

Random Challenges (2/5)

Challenge: NEWS TIME! I swear I'm working on the next act on the script rn...

Also an AU where Maki is a mafia member.

"HEWWLLO EVERY HUMAN IN THE UNIVERSE! Nishishi!" Ouma shouted through the mic.

The cameraman, Rantarou Amami, shook. "Goddamnit Ouma what did I tell you about shouting again?!" Amami covered his ears.

Ouma pouted, "Amami-Chan! You're suppose to control the camera! Where's my beloved Saihara anyways?"

"I'm right here Ouma... I was always here when we started." Saihara stared at Ouma. "Hello this is Channel 53 news again with yours truely, Saihara Shuichi, and Ouma Kokichi..."

"Hi again!" Ouma smiled brightly. "Today on the news, we got a very interesting arrest. A 17 year old got arrested by trying to order death in McDonald's. Yes. McDonald's. Her name is Tsumugi Shirogane. According to random strangers in the McDonald's, she was walking up to the counter and keep asking to die. How weird isn't it Saihara-Chan?"

"We need a better story..." Saihara recommended.

Ouma quickly responded, "Now to you Akamatsu-Chan with the weather!"

"Ah! Okay... And now for our weather report! Over here around this part of Japan," Akamatsu moved her hand to the top section of Japan. "we have around a low of 14°C and a high of 17°C! We might have some rain cloud here and there though... But in the other half of Japan," Akamatsu moved her hand downwards to the other part of Japan, "we have a low of 14°C and a high of 20°C! A little difference in the warmth but at least humanity is still alive! And now back to you Saihara-kun."

"Alright! We just just a news report that somebody stole a piggy bank from Walmart. Police believe the suspect was short, purple-haired, and has a checkered scarf on. The suspect also wears all white on aswell. One of our main witnesses, Kirumi Toujou, was with the main suspect at this time." Saihara explained.

"I'm here at the crime scene right now interviewing Kirumi Toujou. Tell us Toujou, what did the main suspect do?" Momota moved the mic infront of Toujou.

Toujou responded, "He asked me to drive him to the nearest Walmart, which was here by the way, and I was with him. We were walking down the aisle with the stole piggy bank but somehow I didn't catch him stealing it. The cashier we went to check out told me he didn't saw him with the piggy bank."

"There you have it folks! Now back to you."

"Thank you so much space boy! Oh! What's this? Ah Saihara-Chan new report. Up next we have a story about how this guy got arrested by killing a mafia member!" Ouma puts a hand in the piggy bank that he definely never stole. "But first, commercial break!"

Camera fades.

"Hey you!" Iruma points towards people who are watching. "Yeah, you virgins! Do you always have so much work to finish but your lazy ass gets tired every 5 seconds? Do you never have time to do the work in the first place because you kept fucking yourself? Well come on over to Iruma's workshop! We have any machinery that does anything while you sleep! We have cooking while you sleep, cleaning while you sleep, masturbating while you sleep, and even sleeping while you sleep! So come on over to Iruma's Workshop today and get 10% off of all items with winning a free undefined! Call 1-800-XXX-XXXX right now and get a free vibrator with your order. Call now!"

Commercial ends.

"Alright, welcome back folks to channel 53! Right now we're about to let Momota interview the murderer of the mafia member, Maki Harukawa." Saihara stated as the camera switches to Momota's view.

"Wah ha ha... MAKIIIIIII..." Momota mourned.

"Um... Sir we're on."

"Oh uh... Kaito Momota here with a-another report... T-the victim is my girlfriend. W-why... Our main s-suspect was my girlfriend's target, Ryouma Hoshi, who just recently left jail and killed another innocent person with a tennis racket... MAKIIIIIIII!" Momota whined.

"Dude, your girlfriend was assigned to kill me. To kill me! I had no other choice..." Hoshi tuckes his beanie down.

"B-back to you I guess."

"And for sports!"

"Nothing interesting is even happening in sports on Channel 53 ne-"

"We have our old time favorite, staring contests! It's happening all around the world!" Ouma cuts off Saihara without giving him a chance.

"Ouma why..."

"Why not? Anyways the Japanese's world record is 3,791 hours with the battle of Angie Yonaga and Korekiyo Shinguuji. Both were sent into a hospital because they couldn't blink after the staring contest. And in Aikido we have the Ultimate Aikido Master, Tenko Chabashira, winning against everyone in the dojo. She won Aikido in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, and now 2018 with a 9 year streak! Pretty amazing right Saihara?" Ouma smiled like a child getting chocolate.

"Umm yeah. So that's it for chan-"

"No! We need to show the people watching dating techniques!"

Amami just froze saying, "Wait what..."

"You heard me Amami-Chan! This is what you do in order to get yourself a date!" Ouma started.

"Isn't this a little too much?" Saihara questioned.

"Well if Iruma-san has an ad that gives you free vibrators with the order, why should this be too far?!" Akamatsu yelled from the other room. Very loudly actually.

"F-Fine..."

"Nishishi~ This is how to start off a make out session!" Ouma kissed Saihara in the sit. Meanwhile, Amami just sat there being completely frozen. Wait nevermind his eye just twitched.

Ouma made out with Saihara. Nothing can go wrong now, right?

"I guess we can end it here..." Saihara said.

"No! We're showing the viewers how to have sex now!" Ouma whined.

Amami pans the camera away from them. "I swear we didn't have this planned!" He said sweating.

Akamatsu opened the door that connected both of the rooms together. She held the camera saying, "Seriously, we didn't! Oh god..." In the corner of her eye, she saw something... interesting...

No you dirty minded freaks...

It's just Ouma is just showing Saihara his knife collection... Why does he have a knife collection? I don't know...

Rainbowstar186