Punch, Cut, Kiss

Update: Some of Your Questions Answered

Hi.
It's been a long time since I wrote this. I have a few things I would like to say and explain. First of all, thank you so, so much for reading. I never in a million years would've thought my story would've touched so many people. I'm truly honored that so many of you have connected with the characters and shared your personal stories with me.
Second, I have gotten a lot of... criticisms about Ky's cutting. How she does it. How it makes her feel. Doing it in front of Max, etc. I've also gotten a lot of comments about dealing with abusive parents and how it would be handled differently. I would like to elaborate a little.
Ky's cutting means something different to each person who reads it- which is great. It's exactly how reading works. I give you an idea and you enhance it into something you understand and relate to. I'm glad I got to do that with most of you. To me, it was her way of handling her pain. It was her way of controlling who and what hurt her. Doing it in front of Max wasn't for attention, not when I'd written it. It was because that's how she knew how to get a grasp on her life. Some people drink or smoke or solve a puzzle to calm down and ground themselves. She cut.
I've also gotten some comments asking if she was suicidal, and it's really up for interpretation. I can shed some light on how I wrote her, though.
If you enjoy the story and want to take it for how you've interpreted it, please stop reading. If you want to understand a little more about why it's written how it is, keep reading because it may answer some underlying questions.
When I wrote this, I was not in a good place in my life. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since middle school. I have a tendency to seek out ways to hurt myself. When I was younger and starting high school, I met this guy. He helped me in hurting myself- not physically, but mentally it was pretty bad. Looking back, I think he's where the father character came from and Ky's need to have a relationship with him. I thought then, and to a point now, everyone has good in them and I was able to bring it out.
Some nights after terrible fights where I felt lower than dirt because of him, I tortured myself with how I felt about myself. It helped to numb me. I hated myself to the point where I couldn't feel anymore on those nights. That's why Ky describes the cutting as numbing. Sometimes you get so tired, if you inflict enough pain, that you don't have it in you to feel anymore.
Right, so, Ky's dad and their relationship from my ex and the cutting from my self hatred. Now, why is Max gay and not with Ky? The question on everyone's mind. Max was written with the qualities and personality I so badly wanted in a man. He was affectionate the way I wanted someone to be with me. He cared so deeply for Ky and he loved her so much and he tried to understand. He was there through thick and thin and their relationship was so pure and fun and it was an escape. But he just wasn't within my reach, so he wasn't in Ky's either. I didn't think I was deserving of someone like that, so I made him up. The perfect guy no girl can ever have.
Anyway, I do not have physically abusive parents. I wasn't big on cutting because I don't like blood or pain. I had self-hatred to the point where it was harmful to myself, and I was in a really, really toxic relationship. So I wrote this. I didn't think of it like this then, it was just a story, but looking back now, it's very personal to me. The whole definition of love thing, where I said love was painful, that was about my ex. Love shouldn't be painful like that. It should be painful in ways like, your arm is asleep because you've been holding someone too long or your heart aches because you haven't gotten a text in a couple hours. I'm glad I have gotten comments saying it wasn't realistic because you're right. It probably isn't realistic to how someone who is abused and cut would react- maybe it is for some people, idk- but it was symbolic to me and that's why it is how it is.
One more thing before I wrap up: is Kyler suicidal? Although this is 100% up to interpretation, however  you read her is how she is, I will say I had no intention of her being so. At that point in my life, I wasn't. The thought didn't cross my mind for another year or so. If I wrote this story now, she probably would be.
Basically, however you want to take the story or connect with the characters, take it that way. If you think Ky is an attention whore slut for kissing around on Max and dating Nick, think that. Some emotions I've evoked in you as a reader have lead you to that idea, so keep that idea. Reading and writing is so unique because it can lead to so many different feelings and meanings.
If you have any questions, please ask. About the story or clarification of anything I've mentioned above. I'll be happy to answer all of them. As for a sequel, I don't see one in the future. I would really like to rewrite this whole thing someday, though. I'm so proud of it, it's just inconsistent with silly errors and weird plot lines I decided to let go. Again, I'm honored to have written for you and I hope this helps tie up loose ends.
Thank you and I really appreciate all of you!