Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 16

Niall's Pov:

I wake up in a daze. It was obviously still night. The clock was red and it red 1:17. I rubbed my eyes. I felt Liam's warm breath on the back of my neck and smiled in pleasure. He makes me feel so safe and nice. I love it. I've been craving a smoke the passed couple of days and right now more then ever.

After thinking a while, I make the decision to go for a smoke. I leave the hold Liam has me in and roll out of bed. I open the dresser and dig through it quickly looking for a lighter and cigarette. I find the lighter but not a cigarette.

I look back at Liam. He's still sleeping. Quietly, I leave the room and go into the hallway and make my way to Zayns room. I peak my head into his room and look around for a cigarette box. The box is sitting on top of his dresser. I quietly sneak into his room and take the box. I fish out a cigarette.

"Niall?" I turn to Zayn. He's sitting up in bed. He caught me with his box of cigarettes in my hand.

"Oh hey. You're um... Just dreaming." I try to play it off.

He knows he's not dreaming. "Niall what are you doing?"

"Uh, nothing."

"Bullshit. Whats in your hand?" He demands.

I look down at my feet. "Your cigarettes..."

"Niall if you just wanted to smoke, just ask. Don't hide it."

"Sorry. Can I smoke?" I ask him.

"If I can smoke with you."

"Yeah sure!" I tell him.

He rolls out of bed and rubs his eyes. "Get the box and Ill meet you outside."

I leave his room and walk down to the door. I sneak open the door quietly, making sure not to disturb anyone's sleep. Especially Liam's sleep.

I step out into the night air. It smells like cigarette smoke like the city always does. I love the smell. The smell fills me with joy. A breeze comes along filling me with the aroma. I breath deeply in and exhale, enjoying the smell. The stars in the sky amaze me. I sit on the steps of the flat and look up at the sky waiting for Zayn. The sound of cars and trains fills the air along with the smell of cigarette smoke. This is my favorite part of the day. Enjoying the city atmosphere by myself. With no one to annoy and no one annoying. Better yet, I get to share this moment with Zayn. I just hope I don't annoy him.

Zayn comes from the door behind me. "I brought my lighter. You brought the cigarettes?" Zayn changed into his leather jacket but he's still wearing the same sweatpants he wore to bed.

"Yeah man. I have my own lighter." Zayn sits to the left of me on the stairs.

I pull out a cigarette from the box and give the box to Zayn. He pulls out one too and puts it between us on the ground.

He looks at me and I turn my head to look at him.

"One." We put the cigarette between our teeth.

"Two." We pull the lighter up the end of the cigarette.

"Three." We both say. We both light up at the same time.

I inhale, bringing the smoke into my lungs. The burning sensation fills me with pleasure. The taste of the cigarette on my lips combined with the taste of the smoke drives me crazy. It makes me feel so alive. It fills a void inside me that I normally could never fill. It couldn't be filled with drinking, cutting, or anything else. The smoke fills me.

I laugh with Zayn as we smoke a couple more drags. Before we know it, we finished the pack. I want to smoke more but I guess I can smoke more tomorrow.

"That was fun. Lets smoke again sometime." He tells me.

"Sure!" I smile. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure thing bud. What do ya need?" He asks

"Could you not tell the other boys about this?" I ask him politely.

"About smoking? Dont worry your secrets safe with me." He smiles at me. I smile back.

"I should get back to sleep. Night Zayn." I tell him.

"Night Ni."

I reenter the house slowly. I look around and make sure no ones awake. I put my shoes next to the door and sneak back to my room. Peaking my head into the door, I see Liam still asleep. I let out a sigh of relief. I make my way into my room and then into my bed to resume the position with Liam. He wraps his arm around me and cuddles into me.

"Hey Ni." He says quietly in his sexy sleepy voice. "Where have you been?" His voice becomes a bit more serious. "You smell like cigarette smoke." Shit I have to make up a lie.

"I just went for a walk. Thats all." I tell him in a comforting voice.

"At this hour?" His guard is down and he becomes less concerned.

"Yeah. Sorry for scaring you." I tell him apologetically.

"Nah its fine." He sighs. "Next time just bring me with you. I just want to be with you." He tells me. My insides churn and I smile.

"And I want to be with you too. Next time Ill being you. Okay?" I grin.

"Okay."