Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 34

Niall's Pov:

I woke up in Harry's arms. His bandaged arm was wrapped around me tightly. He was still sleeping. Between short breaths of his, he let out a cute little snore which I adored.

It was nice being with him. In a calm environment. No stress or anything. Just me and him. Sometimes, the best things in life are just spending time with loved ones. I love Harry a lot.

I know I hurt him badly when I kissed Lou. Im glad nothing bad happened last night. I don't know what I would have done if he hurt himself badly. I know he cut, and Im still upset about that. But Id rather have him cut than take his life. I could never live without Harry.

I hope he doesn't hate me too much. He has every right to be angry at me. I couldn't live if I knew he hated my every guts honestly.

Harry made a moan when he woke up and looked down at me. "Good morning." He said.

I looked back up at him. "Good morning." I smiled.

He laid his head back down on the pillow, holding me a bit tighter. I stayed in his arms for about 5 minutes while he adjusted and woke up.

"Im going to go make breakfast." I told him smiling.

"Alright." He said. "You do that."

I rolled off of him and down stairs to the kitchen. The clock on the oven said 9:30. I was still tired though.

"What was I going to make for Harry?" I asked myself.

I decided to cook him some eggs, bacon, and pancakes. All of which seemed simple. By the time Harry came into the kitchen, I already mixed and cooked some pancakes, cooked eggs on the oven top, and microwaved some bacon. I poured him a glass of orange juice.

"Hey!" I smiled at Harry as he walked into the kitchen.

I ran over to him. I kissed him on the cheek.

"You're breakfast is on the counter." I told him. "Im going to go get changed."

"Aren't you going to eat?" Harry asked.

"Oh...uh... Ill eat when I come back down." I tell him.

I turned back around and passed through the living room before reaching the stairs that took me to my room. On the way I passed Liam in the hallway.

"Hey is that food down stairs?" He asked.

"Yeah I made breakfast!" I smiled at him.

"You seem peppy." He smirked at me. His smile was seductive and melted my insides. "Any reason?"

Flustered from his sexy grin he flashed at me, I was left speechless. "Uhh..." I snapped back. "No."

He laughed at me playfully. His laugh is so cute. The way his face brightens up, brightens my day up. The way his teeth show and his lips curl upwards just makes me smile. His laughing is contagious definitely. Liam just always makes my days better even if he doesn't do much. Just by seeing him laugh, my day becomes a thousand times better. I laughed a bit with him.

Liam walked back down to the kitchen. As he walked down the hallway to the stairs, I couldn't help myself but watch him as he walks. More specifically, I couldn't help myself from watching his arse as he moved. His sweatpants fit his arse perfectly and I couldn't help myself from staring at him.

Before he reached the stairs he turned his head around and caught me staring. He gave me an amusing grin with a seductive hint to it and a wink.

I felt my cheeks get hot and I felt a tad embarrassed. I turned around and continued to my room down the hall. Through the door to my room, I stripped myself of my clothes from last night.

Standing in my room in just my underwear, I looked over at the mirror hanging on the wall. I turned myself to face it for further examination. My thighs were chunky along with my midsection. I definitely needed to lose weight. My thighs were huge and massive. I poked at my stomach and my thighs, grabbing them and stretching them.

Cuts lined my arm from elbow to wrist on both of my arms. I pulled up my boxers to my hip and looked at the mirror. They were from my hip halfway down my thigh. Luckily, I have huge thighs which gives me a lot of room to cut. I have a lot of cuts on my thighs though which is probably why it seems filled. I dropped my boxers. They fell right above the lowest cut on my thigh. I had some on my stomach but too much. Nothing deep enough to leave a scar.

I looked at myself in my eyes through the mirror. They were bloodshot and I can tell I was crying. There was a stream of tears down my cheek. I stood there looking at my reflection in the mirror in a world alone.

I hated my body.

I snapped out of it when I heard a creek come from somewhere in the hallway. I took a breath in and slowly pushed it out, trying to calm myself down as best as I could quickly.

"Niall!" I heard Liam shout from downstairs. "Come get your breakfast before its gone!"

I don't want my breakfast. Im only going to get fatter then I already am, if thats possible. I took one last look at myself in the mirror, wiping a tear coming down my cheek.

"Coming!" I shouted back at Liam.