Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 22

Niall's Pov:

I hear a grunt from underneath me. "Ugh. What time is it?"

Too lazy to check I answer "ughhhhhh".

"Oh shit its 11:15." Louis pipes up.

"Whats so bad about 11:15?" I ask him.

"The photo shoots at 12:00!"

My eyes open wide. Shit! I forgot about the photo shoot! Im a drunk slobbery mess and I have a photo shoot in less than an hour. "Fuck!"

I get off of Louis who's also getting up. We both rush into our rooms to get ready.

Management provided us some clothes to arrive at the photo shoot in. The clothes hung in my closet. I shut the door behind me.

My head is spinning and it hurts. It must be the hangover. I remember I have the aspirin in my drawer. I pop one in my mouth with the water sitting on my bed side.

I unrobe myself. I put on the black jeans management provided along with the white shirt. I spend a couple minutes fixing myself in the mirror. I comb my hair and try my best to make myself look nice.

"I look terrible. The other boys probably look 10x better." I tell myself.

I sigh. I give myself one last look and leave my room. I make my way to the kitchen where Zayn and Harry are. Both of them are on their phone sitting at the table. When I walk into the kitchen, Harry looks us. "Hey Ni. You look nice." I know he's lying. Harry and Zayn look wicked hot. I know I shouldn't be talking about them like that but its true.

"Thanks." I tell Harry. I look at the clock. The time is 11:30.

"Liam and Louis should be down any minute and then we will go." Zayn says.

I nod my head at him and sit on the stool next to the counter. I pull up my phone in the time I sit there and wait. I scroll through twitter and read some of the hate comments. On my twitter, theres endless pages of it. I zone out for a moment.

I hear Louis coming down stairs followed by Liam. "Aye lads!" Louis comes into the kitchen and puts his hand on my back. "Ready?"

"Lets go!" Harry says.

We all leave the house and get into the car. Liam drives us to the studio. Outside, we meet management. We get out of the car, and instantly we are swamped with a bunch of fans all shouting things like "You're perfect Zayn!" or "I love you Harry!" I don't hear any of the fans shouting my name. They're all just talking about the other boys. Management escourts us into the building and to the right studio.

When we arrive, we meet with the photographer. He seems nice. The first thing we do is go straight to make up. Zayn only needs a touch up since his skin is flawless as it always it.

The makeup artist puts a lot of foundation on me. She keeps adding more and more trying to make me look better. Watching her in the mirror, I see that not much is working. All the other boys are done by now but she keeps trying her best. Finally when she finishes, I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I do have a lot of make up on. My skin finally looks smooth like Zayn's and all the other boys. I still don't look as good as them but its a start.

We go on set and I stand to the far right of all the boys. The photographer takes a bunch of pictures of us while we strike different poses.

"Alright boys good work." The photographer says. "Take 5. Then we will shoot the shirtless part."

I have cuts on my wrists! I cant be a part of any shirtless shoot! Im not as fit or thin as all the other boys anyway. Im going to look terrible compared to them.

I stand there frozen. I see Harry. Hes leaning against a wall. I go over to him.

"Harry, I cant do this." He looks up. "The shirtless photos. I have cuts on my arms and wrists." His face becomes saddened.

"I do to." Harry says.

"What are we going to do?" I ask him.

"I don't know." He says. "But we cant do it. Thats for sure."

All of a sudden, I get an idea. "Harry I have an idea!"

"Well what is it?!" He frantically asks.

"I can just say Im feeling sick and then you can volunteer to drive me home!"

"Brilliant!"

"Hey lads!" I turn around and see Louis. "Whatcha up to?"

"Niall's not feeling well. I might have to take him home." Harry tells him.

"Oh Im sorry lad. I hope you feel better." Lou pats me on the shoulder.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot the photographer. "Harry, can you tell the photographer that you're driving me home? I'll go wait in the car." Harry nods.

I leave the room trying my best to look sick and uncomfortable. I make my way back outside to the parking lot. I get into the car that we came in. The other boys can probably get management to drive them home.

I sit in the car with my head in my hands. Is this really what Ive come to? I have to run and hide. Maybe its time I get really serious about losing weight. I should hide my cuts better too. I cant hide under long sleeves forever. Of course, it doesn't feel as good on my thighs as it does on my arms.

I lift my head from my hands and look up. Harry's approaching the car. I quickly wipe my face from the tears and fix myself so he wouldn't know that I was upset. I sit up and watch him enter the car.

He shuts the door. "Were off the hook!" He smiles.

"Yay!" I shout. He turns on the car and pulls out. He starts driving us home.

"The other boys are being driven home at 3:00 by management. They're just doing a couple more shoots individually." He tells me.

"Alright sounds good." I turn on the radio.

After a couple songs, Harry breaks the silence. "When was the last time you cut?"

I pause for a moment. "Two nights ago." I tell him reluctantly. "What about you?"

"Last night."

"How bad did you cut?" I ask him.

"Lets just say, it wasn't a good night." His voice cracks halfway through his sentence. He sounds upset.

"Oh Im sorry. Do you want to talk about it?" I ask him.

He changes his grip on the steering wheel. I look towards his face. He's crying. "I wish I could. Its personal." He tells me.

"If you need to talk about it, just know that I'm here for you. Im here to listen." I smile at him.

"Thanks. But I don't think I should." He tells me.

"Thats okay. I hope you feel better though."

He clears his throat. "Thanks."

"I love you Harry."

"I love you too Ni."