Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 31

Niall's Pov:

So many things ran though my mind. My mind was clouded. He pushed a little bit deeper into the kiss. Still stunned, I don't know how else to react so I push a little further. It wasn't until after a few seconds until I realized the full extent of what was going on.

I place my hands on his chest. I hesitantly push away, breaking the contact between our lips. We stand eye to eye for a second. The moment was awkward and strange kind of. His face displayed many different emotions.

For a strange reason though, something urged me to keep kissing. But, I knew it would be wrong. A part of me felt like I was cheating on Liam even though we weren't dating.

Louis face became unsettling and surprised. "Ni Im so sorry!" He said. "I don't know what happened! I dont know what came over me! I was... We were... I just..." He rambled on trying to find words.

"Its okay." I said. "Im just going to leave the brownies in the oven to cook." I told him. I started backing away slowly. "Ill come get them when they're done." I said.

I turned around and walked away. I could still feel his eyes watching me from behind though. Even without facing him, I could sense the hurt and confused look brewing on his face.

I left the kitchen, stunned and shocked. I felt my face become hot. I slugged myself to my bedroom across the house. I locked the door behind me. I sat on my bed and thought.

Why would Louis kiss me? I know he's gay but he doesn't know that I know. He doesn't know Im gay either. It just all felt strange.

Besides, what would Louis find attractive in me? Im not attractive at all. Lou could have any guy he wanted so why would he kiss me?

Maybe it was just a spur of the moment thing. I hope I wasn't leading him on or anything. That would be terrible! I would feel unbelievably guilty. I wasn't trying too.

"Why cant Louis just date Harry and then maybe he wouldn't have kissed me" I thought to myself.

Thats when it hit me. The reason Harry and Louis broke up was because of me. Louis liked another guy other then Harry so they broke up. All those times that Louis has playfully flirted with me in the passed finally made sense.

I liked Louis a lot. I liked sleeping with him especially. He was always a good person to cuddle with. It just felt so great to be held by him. Not to mention how cute he is. But obviously, I don't know if I could date him.

What am I going to tell Harry? God! What am I going to tell Harry! I cant tell him that we kissed. It'll break his heart. He took the break up really hard. It'll only make things worse. I have to tell him though. How would Harry feel if I didn't tell him and then found out through Louis? It would hurt him so much!

A knock at my door. "Ni? You in there?" Liam's voice came out.

"Uh..." I felt my face. There were tears that I didn't know were there. "Yeah?"

"Can I come in?" Liam asked.

I cant let him see me like this. "Another time would be better." I wiped my tears from my face.

I heard a sigh. "Niall. Let me in." His voice sounded demanding.

"Uh. Okay." I told him.

I wiped my eyes a bit more and fixed myself up for Liam. I opened the door and was met with Liam's eyes.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah why wouldn't it be?" I asked him.

He stepped into my room. "I saw you when you walked passed the living room. You looked upset and... almost... shocked. I could tell something was wrong. I just wanted to check in on you." He said.

"Well... Im fine thanks." I was lying. I avoided eye contact with him.

He knew I was lying. "Ni." He put an hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure?" He asked gently.

"Yes." I told him.

He let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his head. "Okay." He said.

He left my room.

"What am I going to do?" I whispered to myself.