Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 30

Niall's Pov:

I woke up with a massive hangover. I dont remember much of what happend last night. It must have not been important if I cant remember it. I took as aspirin from my bedside table. The pain of the hangover went away slowly. My head was spinning and pounding. I was so tired too.

The clock next to me read 11:00. I rolled out of bed, grabbing my phone. I smelled myself. God I need a shower.

I went into the bathroom and stripped myself of my clothes. In the shower, I washed my hair quickly. Looking down, I saw my thighs, my stomach and my wrists, everything the boys couldn't see. I traced my finger over new cuts I made a couple days ago. I gripped the fat on my stomach, tugging at it.

The cold shower took the pain away from the hangover, relieving me of the stress it caused. I got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist. I grabbed my clothes and my phone and stepped out of the bathroom. Without thinking, I turned a corner bumping into Liam.

"Woah! Um... Hi." I said.

This obviously wasn't the first time Ive done something like this. I bumped into him earlier awhile ago while getting out of the shower.

"Oh, hey Ni." He looked down at my wrists for some reason immediately.

He saw the new cuts. He was stunned a bit. I was frazzled on the inside and didn't know what to do. I tried to walk away but I couldn't. He eyed me up and down for a second. The only thing he could do is look back into my eyes and smile.

His smile was cold, heartbroken and upset. I didn't want him to find out or think I was lying about cutting, but I obviously was.

I was about to say something when he pushed passed me and walked down the hall. I watched him as he walked down the hall, motionless I was. My stomach was churning.

I decided to go to my room and get ready for the day. Like always, I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. My style with this has become a favorite of mine. The outfit was comfortable yet simple. I didn't have to get ready much for it to work.

I got dressed and ready rather quickly. Emerging from my room, I walked down the hall and into the living room where Liam was. I pulled out my phone into my hands. I tried to make quick conversation with him.

"Wheres everyone else?" I asked Liam.

"Out somewhere." He said.

Something seemed off about the room, however I couldn't place my finger on it. Almost automatically, I walked over to Liam with my phone in my hand and sat next to Liam. As I was settling into my position on the couch, Liam moved his arm around me. Feeling comfortable, I leaned into him. I sunk into him feeling comfortable.

I didn't realize what happened until it already did. I was snuggling with Liam. He was really comfortable and warm. I pressed myself further into him. His arm was wrapped around me and on my other shoulder.

I don't know if Liam knew what really happened either until it already happened. But one things for sure. I wasn't going to give up a chance to cuddle with Liam.

We stayed against each other watching whatever Liam was watching on tv. I wasn't paying to much attention to anything really besides Liam. I moved my head so it was flat against his chest and I could feel him breathing. I closed my eyes and savored the moment.

I felt Liam's arm disappear from around me. He brought his hand up and placed it on the top of my head. He raked his hand through my hair, playing with it. It felt nice.

I smiled.

We stayed in this position for about an hour. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep. After all, I was in heaven.

I heard the door open and three boys come in. Immediately, I sat up straight. Liam picked himself up from a slouch on the couch and so did I. I settled back into the couch quickly to make sure nothing was suspicious. I unlocked my phone and started scrolling through twitter.

"Hey Lads!" Louis came into the living room first. He sat to the left of me, pushing me closer to Liam. I didn't mind that at all. "Whatcha been up to?" He asked curiously.

I looked over to Liam and he smiled. "Oh we just sat here and watched tv." I looked back to Louis.

He nodded. "Hey Ni, I bought brownie mix at the store the other day. Want to help me make them?"

Of course I didn't. I love Louis but I didn't want to be forced into eating brownies. I was going to only gain weight and I cant risk gaining anymore weight. But I could raise suspicion. The boys would know somethings up if I didn't want to have brownies.

I looked at Liam and then back to Louis. "Sure." I told him. I followed him into the kitchen. I should get my diet pills before anything else. If Im going to eat, I don't want to gain any weight. "Hey Lou. I just to go upstairs and grab something real quick. Ill be down shortly."

I ran upstairs fast into my room. I pulled out my little metal box under my bed like I always do before every meal. I popped two pills into my mouth quickly. I closed the pill bottle and pushed the box back under my bed swiftly. I rushed back down stairs.

"Ready?" I asked Lou almost playfully.

"Ready!" He said with the same tone of voice I used. He smiled.

"Okay! What does the oven need to be heated to?" I asked him.

"I already heated it." He said with a goofy grin on his face.

All the ingredients were set on the counter by him. He poured vegetable oil into a measuring cup and then into the mixing bowl while I cracked eggs. I could feel his eyes on me, but I tried my best to ignore him.

Lou poured water into the mixing bowl after I put the eggs in. He grabbed the bag of cupcake mix and put it in the bowl. He handed me a mixing spoon.

"Thank you." I smiled at him and he smiled back.

I mixed the vegetable oil, brownie mix, eggs and water in the bowl for a minute. Lou stood across the island from me, watching me mix the bowl.

"Get the pan ready." I tell him

He pulls out the rectangular pan in front of me. Slowly, I pour the batter into the previously greased pan, evenly spreading it. I set the bowl down in the sink. When I went to pick up the brownie tray, I was stopped by Louis. He dipped his finger in the brownie mix and put a little on my nose.

I stared cross-eyed at my nose. I dragged my thumb across my nose to clean it of brownie mix. When my sight regained, I was looking at Louis. He had a wide grin on his face and was smiling at me. I couldn't help but grin and laugh back at him a little.

He took a step closer to me and rested his hands on my hips. Not knowing what I was doing, I looked into his eyes which were only a couple inches from my face. He turned his head and moved it closer to mine, kissing me on the lips.