Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 7

Niall's Pov:

I wake up in a daze and confusion. I hurt all over in an aching pain. Its still dark out. I must haven't been out for long. Even though it hurts, I reach into my pocket to get my phone. The time reads 1:28. The concrete is cold and pierces my skin like a thousand knifes. I whimper a little and tears fall down the side of my face.

That guy was right. I am nothing. Im worthless. Everyone hates me.

I have to pull the strength together to get back to the house without the boys noticing anything happened. They cant know about this.

I get the strength to pull myself up off the ground. I wipe my face. Blood is coming out of my nose. I drag myself back to the house being careful not to be spotted. When I get back home, most of the lights are off. Everyone seems to be asleep. I need to take a shower and fix myself back up. I go into the shower and lock the door behind me. I turn on the hot running water. Tears form in my eyes. The sobbing just starts. I slowly sink to my knees leaning against the counter of the sink. The uncontrollable sobs are muffled by the beating sound of the water hitting the shower floor.

None of this is worth it. I hate everything. The only thing I have going for me is Liam. But he doesn't even like me. He has a girlfriend. Yeah he kissed me, but it was because he was drunk. Im some little faggot. I hate myself. I hate being gay. No one should have to deal with me.

So why should they?

My mind goes blank for a moment. Why shouldn't I just commit suicide? Why should I put people through this? I need some time. Next week. Next week is the day. Next week means no more. Next week is the end.

The thought brings peace to my mind and eases me. My crying subsides but doesn't stop.

I stand up and face myself in the mirror. "Wow Im really bruised and bloody." I say to myself. I look down on the counter. Theres a razor. I dismantle it and take out a blade. I pull my pants down, revealing my old cuts from last time. Next to them I make a couple more. Theres more room on my arm to make more. I make cuts down my arm. From halfway down my forearm to my wrist I make more cuts. I put the bloody blade next to me. I lean my head back and smile in pleasure. The pain feels great. When Im done, I wash the blade and put it back into the razor leaving no trace.

I undress myself and step into the shower. I feel the warm water flow over me. The warmth from the shower fills my body. I brush my hair back with both of my hands, slicking my hair back. I rub soap on my hands and rub them on my face, cleaning it. I feel the dirt and dried blood start to come off. The water flowing towards the drain is dirty and bloody from the cuts. I rub shampoo through my hair and wash it. I stand in the running water for another moment. I turn the knob to 'off'.

I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. I step out of the shower and look into the mirror to be met by the reflection of myself. I have a cut by my upper right cheek extending from my nose to my cheek bone. I touch it and it feels rough. I have a couple bruises on my abdomen. Another tear falls down my cheek and it crosses over the cut.

I deserve this.