Suicidal [Narry/Niam]

Chapter 13

Niall's Pov:

Im on my phone sitting on the couch. I scroll through twitter. On my twitter page, I notice a couple of hate messages. I scroll through them reading them all. On Harry's page theres no hate at all. Same with Louis, Liam and Zayn. I guess Im the one in the band no one wants anymore. Im the hated one. The band would be better off without me.

"Hey Niall. Want to go for a walk?" I look up and see Harry.

"Sure. Right now?"

"Yeah. Grab your shoes." He tells me.

I grab my shoes by the door and slip them on. He walks out the door and I follow behind. The door closes behind me and I continue down the steps and start walking with him. We leave the flat and start on a walk around town. The grey clouds in the sky make the atmosphere unsettling and depressing. It could rain at any moment.

We talked about the usual things. Nothing extremely interesting though.

"Do you want to stop for some tea?" He asked me.

"Sure why not." I told him.

We walked through the doors of the small tea shop called "Little Tea". It was fairly empty except for the few people in there and the workers. We ordered our tea and say by a window in high chairs. We started talking and when I looked out the window, I saw the occasional person waving at me. I waved back and smiled slightly. Luckily, no one stopped in and disturbed us in the shop. We got peace and quiet. For the most part.

"Harry, this is going to bug me unless we talk about it." I tell him.

"Sure Niall. Whats wrong?" He asks me innocently.

"Well, yesterday morning, I woke up and I checked on you because I didn't remember you coming home. When I walked into your room to see if you were home, I saw your wrists." His face widened. "I saw cuts on them." Harry looked terrified and stressed out. He was doing a good job hiding it though. "Of course, you were wearing bracelets and I could have been mistaken." The stress drained from his face a little. "But I think I saw cuts. I just want to know... Were those cuts?"

He paused for a moment and let out a sigh. He looked around briefly to make sure no one was listening. "Yes." He answered quietly.

My eyes began watering. "Why?" I croaked.

"Its an escape for me. You might not understand, but its an addiction. I need it. Its not like any alcohol or drug addiction. It just takes over my life." He paused for a moment and looked into my eyes. "I love the pain."

Another tear came to my eye. I cant start crying in public. I cant believe Harry would hurt himself like that. Harry looked just as upset as I did.

"Harry."

"Yeah?"

"I cut too."

The look of pure terror struck his face hard. He looked stunned and upset.

"Why?"

"Same reason as you." I told him.

"Do you hate yourself as much as I hate myself?" Harry cant hate himself. No one can hate Harry. Not even himself. He needs to realize how great he really is.

"If not more." I told him. He sighed.

He shook his head. Disjointed, he said "Well, Im done with my tea. Are you?"

"Yeah I guess." I tell him.

"Lets go back to the flat."

"Okay."

The walk back to the flat was long and mostly quiet. I tried to ignore the situation of what just happened. I couldn't though. No matter how hard I tried. It haunted me too much.

"Have you ever cut because of me?" I ask him.

"What?"

"Have I ever made you feel upset enough that you need to cut?" I ask. Im afraid of the answer that he's going to tell me though.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Yes I have." His words struck me with tremendous force. A force enough to bend time and space. Rain began to slowly sprinkle down. "I care about you a lot. You know that right?" He asks.

"I guess." I respond.

"You need to know how much I love you and care about you. And when you said you hated me. It hurt. A lot. I didn't know what I was going to do."

I started sobbing. "Harry I didn't mean it! At all! It was a spur of the moment kind of thing!" I tried telling him.

"I know that now. At the time, I thought you were serious. I was just concerned with you and that cut on your cheek. I shouldn't have been so nosey. Im sorry." He tells me.

"Harry it isn't your fault. I should have told you what happened!"

"Then what did happen?" He looked me right in the eyes.

The question made me upset. I didnt want to tell him. But I had to. "I was beat up."

"How bad?"

"Pretty bad" I told him.

As soon as I told him that, he hugged me tightly. My bruises don't hurt too much anymore. They've had their time to heal and Im feeling much better surprisingly. I wouldn't mind if I was hurting though. Is battle through the pain just to hug Harry.

"Im never going to let that happen to you again." He tells me in a soft tone. "As long as Im with you, no one will be hurting you. I promise." He breaths in.

"I promise."