Sunday 7th September
I spent the day with my dad yesterday, and i was currently in a hotel, about to leave to go visit him again. He was great yesterday, and I'm excited to see him again. I'm just kind of gutted i have to leave him again later. I shrugged it off and grabbed my phone, shoving it in my pocket before heading out.
I decided to walk as it was a sunny day, and it was only like 20 minutes away from the hotel. I looked around at the familiar surroundings, i always loved this area. It's just on the outskirts London, so it's not busy like Central London would be. But it's just a really beautiful and quaint little town. Very old fashioned, brick buildings, hardly any traffic, with the odd person on the street. I loved it here, I'd love to live here with my dad but alas, it's not possible.
After the 20 minutes i arrived at the house. I pushed open the little metal gate, and walked slowly down the bricked pathway, surrounded by a quiet little garden. I reached the end of the path, taking a deep breath and knocking on the front door. Almost instantly, the door swung open and Arabella stood there with an unconvincing smile on her face. My smile immediately dropped when i saw the look of sorrow on her face.
"Where is he." I quickly asked, she didn't respond, she just stood to the side and ushered me inside, which i followed. "Where is he Arabella." I gritted though my teeth and she sighed before replying.
"Sweetie, he's not doing so great today. I'm not sure if its a great idea that you see him..." She sighed but i shook my head.
"I want to see him." I snapped but she shook her head.
"It won't do him any good Charlie." She frowned.
"Please Ari..." I whimpered as now, all i wanted was to see my dad, so i knew he was okay.. She sighed before nodding and walking through the hallway and leading me to his bedroom.
"Be careful okay, remember, formal introductions and don't bombard him with questions, you don't want to scare him." She recited her usual speech, and i nodded in reply before she walked off back down the hall. I turned to the closed door and grabbed onto the handle. I slowly turned it before pushing the door open. I took a few steps so i was safely inside the room before closing the door behind me. I quickly glanced around the, oh so familiar, room, before finding him sat in is usual rocking chair, reading the same old photography magazine. I smiled slightly as i watched him carefully take in every word that was written on the pages.
"Hey da-" i began to greet him but stopped myself i remembered Arabella's words. Formal introductions. I gulped, now finding this rather hard to do, even though I've done it thousands of times before. "Hello, my names Charlotte." I smiled slightly as he looked up from his magazine. He pushed his glasses up a little and squinted at me. I internally frowned as i knew he didn't recognise me, but kept strong on the outside.
"Hello, I'm Peter." He replied after a couple minutes of taking in my appearance. I slowly walked towards him, trying not to scare him to much. I pulled up a seat and turned to him before sitting.
"Do you mind if i sit with you for a little while?" I questioned and he shook his head.
"No not at all." He cracked a tiny smile so i sat beside him.
"So Peter..-" i chocked a little at the fact i couldn't even call my own dad... 'Dad'. "- how are you today?" I continued after i regained my self control.
"Not great, some woman keeps giving me pills to take and telling me i need rest. Well i don't want to take pills, i don't want to rest. I want to sit in my chair and read my magazine. Thats what i want to do!" He said raising his voice slightly, i knew he hated living in his own house and not even being able to take care of himself. I nodded in reply and placed my hand gently on his. He jumped a little at first, but turned his hand over and held onto it.
"Thats Arabella, she means well." I smiled softly. And it was true. Arabella does mean well. I've known her since i was about 10, thats when she was assigned as my dad's nurse. As my dad gradually became unstable to live home alone, and i couldn't afford to move back in with him, she ended up living and taking care of him from home, as of last year. She's lovely, she's quite young, around 35, she lost her husband a couple years ago, and never had any children, so she's dedicated to nursing now. I love her, she's sort of like a motherly figure, except she's my dad's nurse. Not my mother. "But I know what you mean. You should be able to do what you want when you want." I smiled slightly, quoting his usual words, as we had this same conversation near every weekend.
"Exactly..-" he paused as he tried ever so hard to remember my name.
"Charlotte." I smiled weakly. It killed me to see him like this. To not have him even recognise his own daughter, nor remember her name. He was struggling and i knew that. But i couldn't stop visiting him, even when he never remembers me, so every week i find myself introducing myself to him. But i don't mind. I'd do it forever if it meant that i could see him.
"Charlotte...." He pondered for a moment, and after a couple of minutes, a sudden realisation seem to hit him. "Charlotte.." He repeated and i nodded hopefully. "Char. Char, my daughter, Charlie." He smiled slightly as his memory caught up with him. I smiled widely, this was great. This is the first time in weeks that he has recognised me. I felt tears prick my eyes as i nodded in reply to his comment.
"Yes dad, it's me, I'm here." I sniffled slightly as he placed down his magazine on the coffee table beside him, before pushing himself of his rocking chair, as i followed suit. We stared at each other for a moment before i gave in a wrapped my arms around his stomach. I tucked my head into his chest as i attempted to blink away the tears that were growing in my eyes. I felt him wrap his arms around me and place a kiss upon my head. I smiled at the fact i had him back. "I missed you so much." I sighed with a small sniffle. He just continued to place kisses on top of my head.
"I missed you too Charlie." He cooed before rocking side to side with me still in his arms.
I spent a the rest of the day with my dad, catching up as much as we could, because i knew that by the time i came back next weekend, he will have forgotten who i am again. I didn't mind though, i was used to it now, I'm just glad he actually remembered me today.
-----------------------------------------
