Sunday 2nd August
"Tell me why you left." I sighed. "Or i'm walking out that door and never coming back." I stared at him intently, kind of regretting the words that were coming from my mouth. He opened his mouth to say something but looked like he hadn't managed to find the right words to say, and shut his mouth again. Now looking disappointed, he shook his head, not stopping for a moment to break eye contact.
"You've changed." He finally managed to spit out, leaving me in awe of what he was actually telling me right now. "You used to be so innocent. And now all you do is yell at me." His words were really striking me hard but i tightened my hands into fists and stood my ground. I was not going to be a pushover. "I've tried so fucking hard to be the perfect boyfriend but you're making it so hard. All you ever do is bitch at me. Well you aren't the only one fed up Charlotte." He spat at me, leaving me in complete shock of the words coming from his mouth. He had never been like this before but i guess i should have seen it coming because clearly he couldn't stand me for much longer. "You've just changed." He sighed running his hand through his hair.
"And you haven't changed Cal?" I asked snorting a little in annoyance, but this physically made him angry because this time he strode up towards me so he was inches away, as he glared down at me.
"I changed for you." He growled, gritting his teeth shut.
"So you say." I snapped back, but as soon as i said that one comment, i regretted it. I knew that he changed for me, and i knew that everything he ever did was for my best interest. But i just didn't like that. I didn't like being dependant on him. And i didn't like him being dependant on me. You spend your life, perfecting yourself for everyone else to like you, when in truth, you should be thinking of yourself. Not in a selfish way, but more like, you shouldn't be waiting to be dependant on someone, but instead preparing for that moment when your dependent leaves, and you're left with no one but yourself.
"Charlotte. You and i both know thats not true." He snapped, not removing his teeth from grinding on each other.
"That's not my name. Don't call me that." I snapped back at him but he didn't listen.
"You are such a bitch you know, Charlotte?" He said raising his voice. I felt my heart sink, hearing those words slip from his mouth, but i knew what he was saying was true. I was a bitch. That was the cold hard truth. But i didn't ever mean to be. I've always been and aggressive- no, not aggressive, persistent, and i never thought that even after everything that happened with me, that i would end up like this. Never, did i realise that i was being such a self absorbed, condescending, arrogant bitch. I was Calum. Calum was me, he was a pushover, he was kind, caring and a general nice person. And i had turned into his former, douche bag, self. "God, you're such a bitch." He said now beginning to yell. He had snapped. I had made him snap. I couldn't stand here and listen to him insult me any longer. I didn't need to hear things i already knew.
"Get out, Calum." I managed to speak, my voice slightly raspy, as i attempted to hold back tears that were threatening to fall.
"What?" He tilted his head slightly to the side and squinted his eyes.
"I said, leave." I spoke a little more confidently, but my voice still shook as i blinked back tears. Calum didn't respond, so instead i walked past him and turned so i was facing his back. I placed both of my hands on his back and began pushing him towards my bedroom door. He stood his ground as we reached my door, and turned so he was facing me. "Just get out of my life Calum!" I snapped, but the tears where still threatening to fall. I banged my firsts on his chest but he only grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled them away from him. "Just leave for gods sake! Leave! I don't want to see you again! Leave or i will!" I yelled as i tugged my wrists free from his grasp and stood back from him, only to see he was angrier than ever.
"So thats your theory, hey?" He raised his voice once again as he took a step towards me. "Jesus Charlotte!" He yelled, causing me to flinch, i kept my gaze on the floor, focusing on holding back my tears. "You push everyone that could ever care about you away, just because you're scared of your emotions! You're scared of showing someone how you really feel!" He yelled. "No wonder you are so fucking alone Char!! You can't fix shit by hiding your emotions! Thats not how things work!" He was now screaming at the top of his lungs, but all i did was stand there and take it. By now i had learned that i couldn't hold back the tears, and instead let them fall freely. "And i'm tired of trying to fix things. I'm tired of trying to fix us.." He sighed, lowering his voice considerably. I felt my heart sink for about the millionth time in the past hour. He was giving up on me. Who am i kidding, he has given up on me, i had given up on me. I mean who would stay now? I always thought Calum would, but i pushed him to far. I quickly wiped under my eyes with the palm of my hands before lifting my gaze to his. He was staring down at me, no emotion shown on his face. That made me feel ten times worse, knowing i was the one to do this to him.
"Cal.." I whispered, my voice cracking a little as i tried to speak.
"No, Charlotte. I'm done trying." He replied harshly before he turned on his heels to walk away.
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p.s. don't worry this is not the end! there will be a second part shortly and an epilogue so everything's ok (-:
