Wednesday 8th April
We were now lying on my bed listening to music. My head was rested on his chest as i listened to the beating of his heart. I was intrigued. I was fascinated by every inch of this boy. I loved moments like this. Makes me believe not everyone in the world is cruel. Just by listening to his heart. It was calming, relaxing, and beautiful. Every beat, reminding me that we're all living, human beings. We all deserve to be treated the way we wish to be treated. No one should be harmed or hurt, only loved. I'd hate to hear his heart break. I feel like, if i saw him in pain, it'd hurt me. Wow. I'm in deep. It was dawning on me that i was completely forgetting my original thoughts and concepts on 'love' and how i had spent years on end trying to keep myself away from love, to only have years of work, destroyed by, one, arrogant sod, of a boy. And even though this was daunting to view my previous events in this way.... I also couldn't be happier. I couldn't be more content with the way things panned out between me and Calum. If i'm being totally honest... Look back of everything thats happened to me in my life.... I'm beginning to believe Calum is the only thing thats ever made me... Happy. But of course putting it that way, it sounds like i've had this putrid, depressive, horrific, life. When in actually fact its just been an average life. My life was just like any other teenage girls. I just grew up with one parent instead of two. And that never bothered me in the slightest. And i don't believe it should bother me. Of course there are downsides to it, but if i said that growing up with a single parent was bad, then i'd be lying. But other than that i've had a relatively normal life. I went to school, made friends, was never bullied, left school, forgot all my friends, moved further to the centre of London, got an apartment, made a friend, and built my own business. But other than my perfectly normal life, there is of course the matter of my dad having dementia. Now that... That was possibly one of the most difficult experiences of my life. It was hard having to introduce yourself to your dad -whom you've known all your life - every week because he doesn't even remember you. But thats not your fault, and he's in a better place right now. I stopped my thoughts from progressing any further because i knew if i didn't then i would end up crying. I took a deep breath and cuddled closer into Calum's chest. At my sudden movement, Calum tightened his arms around me and kissed my forehead, lingering there for a moment of two.
"You alright baby?" He murmered as he pulled away from me a little so he could see my face better. I nodded in reply before snuggling my face into his chest again. "You sure?" He questioned with a small laugh, sending vibrations all throughout his body.
"Just thinking." I replied simply as he nodded. Probably now realising that he shouldn't always ask what i'm thinking about because he may soon regret it. And as i suspected, he dropped the subject.
A couple hours later, we had gone through most of the albums on my phone. I had now placed it on shuffle and waited patiently for the next song to come on, and when it did i froze. I immediately sat up and tried to jump out of bed to get my phone but Calum had already grabbed my waist, he pulled me back down and sat up, smirking at me.
"I do believe this song sounds quite familiar." He teased but i rolled my eyes and huffed, annoyed that he found out my little secret. "Now if i do recall, you never once took any interest in my band." He teased, but you just huffed and slouched back into bed.
"I don't." I sighed quietly.
"Charlotte. You literally have Bad Dreams playing through your phone right now." He breathed a laugh before slouching beside me.
"I know.." I sighed, i really didn't want to tell him, but i knew that - even though Calum has changed, he still got what he wanted - he was going to drag it out of me anyway.
"Charlotte."
"Don't call me that." I wined, as i was now used to him using his nicknames for me, that i had grown to hate him calling me Charlotte. It felt unnatural.
"Char, explain, please." He begged. He had now picked up my hand and began gently playing with my fingers. I smiled at the memory of 5 year old drunk Calum, lying on my lap, playing with his fingers. "Char baby." He repeated and i sighed, finally giving in.
"I just like it because it was the only way i could hear your voice when you left.." I sighed and looked down, he had froze, he stopped playing with my fingers and let go of my hand.
"Really?" He whispered, it was barely audible but i heard him. I nodded gently in reply.
"I hated not having you around, even with it being a week of knowing you. I missed you. A lot. And all i wanted was to hear your voice, and i guess this was as close as i could get..." I sighed and began playing with my own fingers now. Calum didn't speak, instead he took hold of my hand, intertwined our fingers, lifted our hands and kissed mine. He let his fingers linger for a second or two before resting our hands back down. I smiled at Calum, who was looking down at me.
"You're beautiful, you know that?" He smiled at me. I just blushed and released a tiny laugh at the memory of him letting that exact thought slip from his mouth. It was that night in the cafe, and he tried to cover it up but failed miserably.
"You may have let that slip once." I smiled back at him, and as soon as i said that he groaned with a smirk, knowing exactly the time i was talking about.
"That was so embarrassing." I could tell he was mentally face palming himself but i still found it funny.
"It was cute." I defended him but he shook his head. "It was!" I laughed a little at my terrible pleas to get him to believe me. "Well it was until you turned to a jerk again-" he cut me off by placing a hand on the one side of my face that was showing. He stroked my cheek softly with his thumb before leaning in. I felt my breath hitch in my throat, allowing a small smirk to form on his face.
"Lets not talk about the bad things in our past baby." He whispered, his lips dangerously close to mine. I nodded in reply, not being able to form a proper sentence.
"I love you." He sighed, and before i could reply he placed his lips on mine.
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p.s. IM SEEING 5SOS TONIGHT. OMG OKAY LOL BYE.
