Wednesday 8th April
I was a little nervous at first but i soon melted into the kiss. I ran my fingers through Calum's hair and tugged on it slightly as the kiss deepened, causing him to release a deep, throaty moan. I felt myself smile into the kiss before deciding to tease and pull away from him. I took deep breaths as i pulled my lips from his, not realizing how long we had spent kissing.
"You've really never kissed anyone before now?" Calum questioned as he rested his forehead on mine - also taking deep breaths - as we both kept our eyes closed. I shook my head in response to his question and he released a small laugh.
"Whats funny?" I asked, trying my best not to sound panicked as i opened my eyes.
"Nothing, - you're a really good kisser - I'm just surprised you've never kissed anyone before.." He sighed as he finally opened his eyes and leaned back from me.
"I told you i never liked the idea if love.." I sighed and looked down, avoiding his gaze, that was locked on me.
"Yes you did tell me that." He pointed out. "But you never explained why." He continued, seeming to feel irritated by me not looking at him so instead he lifted my head by placing his finger under my chin.
"I just don't." I replied simply, not caring to explain everything to him.
"Was it a bad ex boyfriend?" He asked as i stifled a laugh.
"I've never had a boyfriend, Cal." I blushed a little as i chewed on my bottom lip.
"You're joking right?" He asked. He was being deadly serious, and so was I. I shook my head in response.
"No. Seriously, I've never had a boyfriend. I told you like 10 times now Calum, i don't like the idea of love." I groaned, now growing impatient with his lack of concentration.
"Right. And that's becauseeee...?" He questioned, but instead of answering, i untangled my legs from around his waist and jumped down. I walked over to my bed before climbing on it, sitting crossed legged and facing Calum. This literally went from good to bad within a matter of seconds. I mean, does he have to be so nosy. It's been, what? barely an hour since he's come back and he's already asking for my views on the most well known, controversial, subject; Love.
"Do i have to explain?" I winced, not really wanting to give away my entire perspective on love to the person i was in love with.
"Yes. Please do." He asked and i nodded with a small sigh, finally deciding to give in.
"I just don't like the concept of love." I sighed as Calum furrowed his eyebrows at me.
"Wh-"
"Let me finish." I interrupted, he nodded in reply before i continued. "I don't like the whole commitment thing. You know, like, when you fall in love, you completely commit yourself to that one person. I don't like belonging to somebody. I'm a perfectly capable individual, and i hate the idea of sharing that capability with someone else. Because then they're in control. If they want to leave, they can leave. They take that little part of you with them. And leave you behind. And that's what i don't like. I don't like that they have that power. Because if, and when, they leave, I'm left broken." I sighed and dropped my gaze from his. "I guess you could call me a real life, Holly Golightly." I started fidgeting with my fingers to avoid the awkward silence we sat in.
"Yes but Char, that's the beauty of it," Calum spoke after a few minutes of utter silence.
"There's no beauty in pain Cal-"
"Now you let me finish." He interrupted me. I nodded in reply, awaiting his explanation. "There is no beauty in pain. But you can't tell me that you don't think that the commitment isn't beautiful?" He asked rhetorically. I kept quiet, partially because i was speechless and partially because i wanted to know what he was going to say next. "'Cause i think it damn well is. I love that two people can be so committed to each other, that they can trust so easily. And if trust is broken, then thats that. But when in love, none of that matters. And i love that. I love that love completely blinds you from all the faults in itself. All the weariness off trust and commitment is completely erased because nothing else matters but the person I'm in love with." By this point, i had lifted my head and was staring at him. Not in a creepy way. No. More....adoringly. I honestly don't know what happened to that old jerky Calum, and i don't know how this, literate, loving, love expert, replaced him. But i don't care. I was starting to think that the six months apart did us good because now, Calum was happy, he was loving, he....wasn't a jerk. And i felt more in love than ever.
"I like your thinking Hood." I smiled softly, his gaze now on the floor as his cheeks flushed lightly. "I honestly don't know what happened with you Calum, but i like this." I repeated my previous thoughts.
"I got better." He smiled a little before lifting his gaze and looking at me. "For you." He smiled fully this time. "I remembered your words from that night at the cafe." He explained, i stayed quiet as i still felt awful for saying those horrible things to him. "And at that moment in time, my solution to fixing your words, would be, going out and drinking away my problems. Which is exactly what i did. Hence the drunk Calum showing up at your house at 1 in the morning." He stifled a small laugh, as did i at the memory of that cute 5 years old drunk Calum. "But when you told me to leave for six months, of course at first i was angry, and i debated going and drinking away my problems once again. But then it hit me, being a jerk wasn't getting me anywhere. Nobody likes jerky Calum. I was hurting everybody around when, in my head, i believed i was helping everyone. I thought that if i kept, this dorky, kind, sweet, Calum hidden, then people would like me. But the complete opposite was happening." He sighed a little. "So, i fixed my relationships with the Michael, Ash, and especially Luke, and went to going back on tour with them. I also went back home to Australia, and fixed my relationship with my family. And then i came here. To fix my relationship with you, Charlotte." He finished explaining. I sat in silence the entire time, not really knowing what to say. "So Char, this is me trying to fix our relationship." He sighed. "Char baby, say something..." He pleaded. I sat there debating what to say. What was i supposed to say? What could i possibly say after a confession of this enormity. He stepped closer to me, cupping my face and lifting my head, now realizing i hadn't looked him in the eyes for a while. I couldn't think of anything to say so instead i nodded my head with a tiny, barely visible, smile. I watched as a smile slowly overtook his face.
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p.s. damn i love Calum. he's just a sweetheart. okay so totally gonna go with Carlotte? as their ship name? does that sound okay? i know its like dorky and whatever but its seriously hard to make a ship name with Charlotte Duncan and Calum Hood. Stupid little shits with their difficult names. ugh, my apologies.
p.p.s. okay i made an insta account for this story, and any possible future stories, i just post like little videos and shit so you know what the chapter is kind of like. anyway its called '5sosimagines15' (oh lord jesus i hope that's the right name) so you should totally check that out.
p.p.p.s. Holly Golightly is a character from the film 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' (my all time favourite film) and she's played by Audrey Hepburn (who's like my favourite person to ever walk this earth.) ok so go watch that if you haven't seen it. its amazing.
p.p.p.p.s. sorry this is so long. i love you. don't forget to vote and comment because it makes me happpyyyy. also please do share this story because i'd love it to get more reads. okay i'm done with this shamed self promoting.
p.p.p.p.p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKEY. can't believe that he's 18. the song 18 no longer applies. that makes me sad.
p.p.p.p.p.p.s. thank you for readingggggg. ok bye.
