I can’t believe what I just did, she thought.
She looked at the tan, muscular back facing her. Placing her trembling hand on his shoulder blade, she rubbed it gently with her thumb then closed her eyes slowly. Drifting off to the peaceful world of sleep, the petite brunette beauty let it take over.
All her problems went away in this short instant. It was somehow going to work out. No matter how screwed up everything was at the moment, it was going to work out.
It’s going to be okay, she thought. It’s all going to be okay.
---
His curls bounced around as he shook his head. He placed his hands on the sink counter, slowly looking up into the mirror. His eyes had bags under them, his arms had a strong appearance yet were weak, and his chest heaved. He stared at how his abdomen had eight scratch marks on them. The two outer ones were the longest. The marks next to those were slightly shorter. Next to them, those marks were the shortest of all of them. The last two marks were about the length of the second marking.
That’s when he started to replay the previous night in his head.
---
“Nick,” she moaned.
Nick placed his arms next to her head. His lips attached to her neck as her nails dug into his back. His moans were muffled against her skin as he continued to thrust into her.
He moaned her name as his lips detached to reattach to her lips. As his lips danced with hers, he could feel how disgusted he was with himself.
Nothing was right, not one bit.
“I love you,” she moaned yet again.
His stubble scratched her chest as he nodded his head, moving down her body. He butterfly kissed her stomach, being stopped when his girl brought up his head.
She held his head firmly in her hands. “Tell me you love me,” she whispered, breathing heavily as she looked into his eyes.
“Yeah,” he mumbled, wiggling his head out of her grasp, kissing her neck. He entangled his fingers into her short black hair, moaning.
She pulled away from him, causing Nick to stop. “No, tell me you love me.”
Nick looked up at her, seeing how desperate she looked. He sighed, smiling a few seconds later, “I love you, Selena.”
---
Nick shook his head, furious in himself. He couldn’t believe what he had done. The one thing that he always said that he would never do, he did. He did it, and he hated it. He always knew that somehow, he was going to fuck up so badly that he was never going to forgive himself, and that day had finally come.
“You’re so fucking stupid,” he whispered to himself, still staring at his reflection. He slammed his hands down on the counter below him and lifted himself up, standing straight.
He straightened his posture up, appearing bigger than he ever had. The veins in his arms popped out, his chest seemed more muscular than ever, and the fury in his eyes was more apparent than before.
Suddenly, a knock was heard from the opposite side of the bath room door. Taking a deep breath, Nick opened the white wooden door.
Standing on the other side, a timid petite girl stood in front of him, wrapped in a white sheet.
In a whisper, she asked him, “What’re you doing?” As her question finished, her voice cracked and disappeared.
“Nothing,” he answered slowly. “I was just about to come out.” Nick leaned down to peck her lips, but she quickly moved her head to the side, causing Nick to kiss her cheek.
Confused, Nick scrunched his eyebrows together, “Are you okay, Selena?”
Selena swallowed the knot in her throat before answering, “Can we go out today?”
Shrugging, Nick nodded, “Sure. Where do you wanna go?”
Selena acted as though she was thinking, knowing exactly where she wanted to go. After a few seconds, she answered, “The beach.”
Again, Nick scrunched his eyebrows together. “The beach?” he questioned.
Selena nodded quickly, “Yeah, the beach. I really wanna go. It’ll be fun,” she smiled. She walked forward, wrapping her small arms around Nick’s large abdomen.
For a while, they both stood in each other’s arms. There was a warmth between them but no spark, and it was apparent to both of them.
Selena began to study Nick’s features with her ear. She listened to his heart, no change, so she got as close as she could, her whole bare body against his barely clothed one. Still, no change in pace. So she began to listen to his breathing. As steady as ever.
That’s when the tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn’t help it. She had finally come to a harsh realization. Well, she knew it all along, even when her and Nick were together, before any crap happened between them. I guess you could say that she never wanted to believe it, not even when they were apart, and she thought that when her and Nick slept together, all his feelings for Demi would go away, but it didn’t, and she couldn’t face that fact.
Memories hit her hard from when her and Nick were together. She knew this moment was going to come when she finally realized everything. What could she have expected? She was a total bitch to him, always pushing sex onto him, and she would leave him once she got what she wanted, but she never left him, and she could never figure out why.
Why would she not leave him if she wasn’t satisfied?
Why did she want to stay with him so badly?
Why couldn’t she find the guts to just pack up and leave?
It wasn’t until then, when she was standing in his arms, completely hopeless, did she realize why, and she couldn’t believe that it had taken her that long to figure it out.
I’m so stupid, she thought.
Selena squeezed Nick as tightly as she could. If this was the only hug she was ever going to get from Nick willingly, why not make it last and be worth it?
“Joe,” she whispered, almost not audible. And she squeezed Nick a little bit harder. “Joe, I love you so much,” she whispered again, not even sure if it came out.
The salty tears barely started to leave her eyes. They stung so badly, more than ever before. Her arms started to shake from anxiety, and she almost couldn’t take it.
Sensing how hurt she was, Nick hugged her back as tightly as he could. He placed his cheek on the top of her head, rocking back and forth slightly.
“It wasn’t supposed to work out like this, Nick,” Selena whispered, her voice cracking.
“I know, Selena, I know,” he whispered back to her, still trying to calm her.
“I’m sorry about any trouble I’ve ever caused you or Demi.” She sniffled.
“It’s fine, Selena,” he whispered, not believing what he had just said.
But he did somehow believe it. Somehow it was all going to be okay, for both him and Selena.
He was going to make sure him and Demi ended up back together, one way or another, and he was going to goddamn make sure Selena was with Joe. No matter how fucked up both of their lives were, he knew for a fact that Selena and Joe were supposed to be together, and he knew that they were finally going to work out completely.
“I love you, Nick. Really, I do, just…” Selena’s voice trailed off.
“I know, Selena,” Nick paused for a second, letting a tear slowly roll down his cheek, “I know.”
