Moving Forward

10 Years Later...

"I can't do this." I sob into Sherry's chest, hardly getting the words out "I can't go out there and let this end.  It's too hard."

She pulls me onto the couch, laying my head on her lap as she rubs my back, trying to comfort me.  Everyone in the cast is a mess tonight, trying to lean on anyone we can for all the support we're able to get.

"Jen, you have to.  It's going to be hard.  All of you are having a hard time with this.  It's supposed to be hard for you, but you'll get over it."

"I know.  It's just... what if we mess it up.  What if nobody likes how it ends and we mess up the last 10 years worth of a show that everyone once loved?  What do we do then?"

"You aren't going to mess it up.  Friends is so loved that you could go out there and everyone could be basically silent the whole time and it would still be an amazing finale.  We love to just see the 6 of you together, that's the best part.  That's what keeps us watching."

I eventually sit up, trying to pull myself together, knowing I can do this.  I almost wish I could just skip tonight just so all the sadness and pain would go away and we could move on.  My life isn't going to be the same without seeing these 5 people every day.  They make my job worth leaving my family.  Without them I'd be lost.

"Come on," she starts walking out of my dressing room "There's someone who wants to see you very badly."

I follow her out to see Avalynn standing in the hallway holding some flowers and candy.  She drops everything from her hands and runs up to me, beyond excited that I'm finally going to be home with her.

"I love you, mommy!" She yells in my face once I pick her up "And you can stay home and see me allllll day now!"

"I love you too, princess!" I hold her as close as I can, not wanting to ever let her go "I'm so happy to see you more.  We're going to have so much fun."

My dad walks up to us, joining in on the hug.

"I can't believe it was 10 years ago that you told us you got this show you weren't sure of.  It flew by so quickly."

"It really did." I sniffle, trying to hold back tears "Feels like so long ago."

He nods his head in agreement, looking upset himself, "Brad just called a few minutes ago.  He's on his way, he just got stuck in traffic.  The flowers are from him."

I smile, just thinking about how much easier all this is with Brad around to help and support me.

A few minutes later, I get pulled into hair and makeup.  All the girls are together, but we're so upset we can hardly talk without crying.

"I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like to sit in hair and makeup again without you two next to me."  Lisa finally speaks up on the verge of tears "I'm never going to have anything like this again."

"To be honest, I don't think I ever want anything like this again because nothing will replace this." I admit, crying as well "Nothing will ever come close to this show."

"Yeah, I agree.  I don't want to even think about going to work with any other people.  The 5 of you are the best." Court adds sadly "I'm glad I'm not planning on filming anything for a while because I don't think I could do it."

They come in to tell us it's time to film soon after.  The whole cast gets together, teary eyed and unbelievably emotional about what we're about to do.  It feels like we're losing a piece of us.

"I knew this would be hard." I tell David as we cry between our scenes "But I had no idea it would be this hard.  I don't even wanna go back out there because I know that's it.  We're done."

"No more Ross." He mumbles, staring blankly onto the set "No more being on this stage to make people laugh."

We gather ourselves the best we can, walking back on the stage.  Hair and makeup rushes up to us to fix our looks for what feels like the hundredth time tonight.  The tears are never ending.

Brad walks up to me with even more flowers after we take our final bow.  He opens his arms, welcoming me as I fall into him sobbing uncontrollably.  He continues to comfort me knowing that no matter how hard he tries, nothing he says or does will help right now.

I eventually feel someone rubbing up against my leg, knowing that Ava has joined in and is trying to comfort me as well.  Of course, she doesn't fully understand, so to her I'm just crying because I'm done working.

"Mommy stop.  I'm here." She eventually pulls us apart just enough so she can get between us and reach up for me to hold her.  I lift her up, resting her on my hip as I lean in to kiss Brad.

"Thank you."

"I love you."  He leans in for another kiss, "We love you more than you'll ever know, and we're so proud of you.  You're so amazing and Friends is so amazing."

"I love you too.  Both of you." I manage to smile between the tears "I wouldn't have been able to do anything without you guys here to help me."

We separate after a while with Brad taking her home for bed.  I meet up with the rest of the cast and we all climb up to beams on the ceiling, where we've always gone at hard times.

"Looking down, it's like seeing it for the first time." Matt starts up a conversation, "Everything just seems so... new.  Like it's waiting for us."

"I can't imagine this stage being used for anything else.  It's never going to be anything other than our home to me." David says.

I quickly not my head in agreement.

"There's so many memories in this place.  From the show and just our lives in general.  It really feels like I'm leaving part of myself here."

"I just don't want to think about life without being here every day." Courteney starts to cry "It's just going to be so weird."

"Yeah, but you're going to be so busy with the baby that you won't even notice it." Lisa says, looking to me for help "And it's going to be so worth it."

"She's right.  You'll be glad you don't have to be here and miss out on everything she's doing.  I loved being here, and you guys so much, but that didn't change the fact that I had to leave my baby."

"And we're always going to talk." Matthew adds "Nothing will ever take the 5 of you out of my life.  You're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

And I wouldn't have it any other way.