Moving Forward

Jealousy

I get out of Ava's bed after hearing Kassie cry, walking over to get her.

"Sorry, I thought I got her fast enough." Brad picks her up, gently rocking her "I didn't want her to wake you."

"It's okay. The other one was digging into my side and kicking me." I sit on the rocker, ready to fall asleep "She says she needs a bigger bed."

"What she really needs is to sleep alone."

"Mommy?" Ava walks in a few seconds later crying "Why are you here? I need you!!"

"Honey come here." I put my arms out and she runs over "I just heard Kassie crying so I had to check on her."

"But you need to stay with me! Not Kassie!" She yells between cries, showing her jealousy.

"Let's go back to your room. Daddy has her now." I carry her back to her bed, watching as she falls back asleep almost immediately.

I think about sneaking over to our bedroom, but know that if ahs wakes up again the situation will be 10 times worse than it is now. I climb into the tiny bed, squeezing myself in the little bit of space that is left for me, and eventually fall back asleep.

I wake up a few hours later to Brad laying Kassie next to me as she cries, trying to get her comfortable.

"She only wants you. Sorry." He sits on the floor next to the bed "I'll take her back to bed when she's sleeping, maybe we can sleep in a little.  I think she's sick."

"The suns already out, we lost any chance of that."

I finish feeding Kassie a few minutes later, just in time for Ava to see that there is a hint of sunlight, and force her way out of bed.

"Why she here?" She asks Brad as she cuddles up to him. He rubs her back as she starts crying again, trying to get her to calm down.

"Ava, she's your sister. She's been here the last 2 years, she's staying."

"Let's go eat breakfast." I suggest, getting out of bed "Maybe daddy will make your pancakes you love."

"Okay." She smiles right away as she clings onto Brad "But I need extra chocolate."

"Only because you're cute." He throws her around as we walk downstairs.

I set Kassie in her chair and watch as Ava runs over to play with her as soon as I'm gone. She might act jealous when one of us is with Kassie, but as soon as we walk away she has to be right with her.  Even though she's had a tough few years adjusting to a new baby, she loves Kassie more than we expected.

"What's she doing?" Brad leans over the counter to see why Kassie is laughing so hard "I don't think I've ever heard her laugh like that."

"I'm funny!" Ava yells as she makes faces at Kassie while jumping around doing crazy things "She loves me."

"She does, she loves it when you play with her." I stand next to Brad so I can watch them better. He wraps his arm around me to pull me closer.

"They're so cute when they aren't trying to kill each other over toys."

"I know. Why can't they always be like this?"

We turn back over to make the food, him working on the pancakes while I make enough bacon to last our lifetime.

"Mommy, I want juice." Ava runs over to me holding her cup and the orange juice container "I wanna help."

"Here, set it on the counter so we can reach it better." I hold her up as she pours the juice "You don't need too much."

"Can I help?" She points to the bacon I'm arranging "I love bacon!"

"You can for now, but not when the stove is turned on.  I don't want you to get burnt."

She moves the pieces around to where I tell her, excited that she's helping make her food.

"No daddy!" She yells at Brad, lightly smacking his hand away when he tries to take a piece of bacon.

"Mean.  Just like her mommy."

"She just knows what's right." I put her down once I need to turn the stove on, and she gets pissed.  She slumps and stomps her feet as she walks over to where Kassie has finally fell asleep.

"Avalynn, do NOT wake her!" Brad starts walking over when he sees she's getting closer "Stay away from her."

Ava in return decides to plop herself down right in front of the chair and play with the noisiest toys she can find so they wake Kassie.

Brad picks her right up, carrying her into the living room where I hear him telling her she needs to calm down.

After a few more minutes of screaming and crying, Brad walks back out rolling his eyes.

"Well, we're the meanest parents ever for letting Kassie get sick and paying attention to her.  Apparently we don't love Ava at all anymore."

"So does that mean we get all of this to ourselves?" I look around at the food "If we don't love her then we wouldn't be feeding her."

"Sounds good to me.  Do you want the super extra chocolate or just the normal chocolate chip?" He holds up plates of pancakes.  I pick the super extra chocolate, and we load our plates with bacon before walking over to the table to finally eat.

"She got really quiet." I say after a while, knowing that can't be good "Maybe I should go check on her."

He nods his head, stealing the food left on my plate as I walk out.

"What are you doing in here?" I walk in the living room to see Ava crumbled up in a ball on the couch "You're really quiet."

I walk over to sit next to her, and see something that looks like hair on the couch.  She slowly backs away as I pick it up.

"Avalynn." I pull her closer, forcing her to sit on my lap so I can check out her head "Is this your hair!?!"

She slowly nods her head between sobs.

"Brad!  Come in here!" I find the scissors she must have used sitting on the coffee table, getting even more pissed off by the second "She cut her hair."

He runs over, picking up the wad of wavy blonde hair and staring at it in disbelief.

"Why would you do this?" He looks at her "You know better than to play with scissors.  Now your hair is all messed up."

"Because you love Kassie.  I'm sick too." She mumbles through the tears, clinging onto me even though she can tell I'm pissed.

Brad and I look at each other, knowing we can't let her do anything like this, but also feeling terrible about how she feels.

"Ava, we love you more than you're ever going to know." I rub her back, trying to soothe her "You're the best big sister in the whole world and daddy and I are so proud of you and everything you do."

"We were so excited to have our little princess when you were born." Brad pulls her over to his lap "We wanted you more than anything, and we know you love your sister, even if you guys are always fighting."

"I love you mommy and daddy." She mumbles softly "And Kassie."