Moving Forward

Twins are Home

"Kassie, please don't hit your brother."

I watch as the little brat purposely bumps into him where he is finally sleeping every few seconds.  She makes a face at me before walking over to where Addison is laying.

"That means no hitting her either."

She slouches, walking out into the kitchen where Brad and Ava are to moap.

I continue laying on the couch, getting as much rest as possible before the twins wake up and all hell breaks loose.  Only our second day home with them, and we can already tell it should be fun.

Brad walks in followed by the girls, joining me on the couch.

"I'm told you're being very mean."

"Yep."

I lean into him, finally relaxing as I feel his heart beat.

"I'm trying to be the meanest mommy in the whole world.  I think I'm getting close."

He looks over at the girls, wanting their answers.

"Is mommy the meanest mommy in the whole world yet?"

They both nod their heads very quickly, not even caring that I'm sitting right here and can see them.

"I think you're already there." He leans down to kiss me "But that's okay.  They need it."

"They deserve it."

Brad gets up once Zach starts crying, trying to calm him so I don't have to.  He rocks him back and forth slowly, gripping his tiny hand as it flies around.

"Do you wanna feed him?"

"There's bottles in the fridge."

I pull the blankets over me, really not feeling like feeding him right now since there's plenty of bottles.

"Mommy," Ava hands me the TV remote "Can you put on our shows?"

"Of course, honey."

I put the show on for them, ignoring how mad at me they were just a few minutes ago.

"You two are so lucky you're cute."

They climb over towards me, laying as close as they can.

I eventually hear light snoring noises from Kassie, knowing that she has finally fallen asleep.

The lights get darker as Brad walks out of the kitchen with Zach, who is also now asleep, and we're left with only the noise of the TV and the sweet sound of our children finally sleeping.

"If only she would sleep too." Brad sits next to me, pulling Ava onto his lap "She's so tired, but she refuses to close her eyes."

Ava glares up at him, obviously not happy with what he is saying, and rolls her eyes.

"Daddy you're lying.  I'm not tired so I don't need to sleep."

I laugh at how serious she's gotten, loving all these new sides of her she's been showing as she gets bigger.

"I miss it when you were a baby.  We could put you in your crib and you would sleep without talking back to us."

"That's because I was too little to talk."

"You're cute, princess."

Brad turns the TV down so it doesn't wake the twins and Kassie, leaving Ava to watch a basically silent show.

I look around the room hardly able to recognize it as my own house. Remnants of a pillow fort are scattered around the floor, diapers and wipes all over the coffee table, toy bins ready to expload at any second and wash baskets piled as tall as me. It doesn't feel like my house, but at the same time I couldn't be any more proud of this mess and the fact that it means we have a family, and our family knows how to have fun.

"Your mom should be here soon." Brad gets up, looking out the front door "Are you sure I shouldn't pick her up at the airport?"

I lean over to look out, secretly hoping she isn't here yet so I have more time to mentally prepare myself for everything.

"She said she didn't want us to get her.  Doesn't want to bother us with it."

"Are you okay?" He motions for me to walk over to him "You aren't yourself.  You haven't been since we found out she's visiting."

I don't move much, and he walks over to get me.  He pulls me over to the door where we won't wake any of the kids.

"I don't know... I really don't.  I'm glad we're making an effort now, and I think we patched things up, but I just don't know what to expect."

He wraps his arms around me, knowing that I need the support, but also that I need to let my feelings out. 

"I just worry that she'll say something to the girls, something they shouldn't have to hear... or that things will get shared with the public.  I really thought I was over all this already but I guess I'm not.  I'm not ready to let her in their lives completely, and I don't want her sharing anything about Zach and Addie."

"Then we need to nicely remind her. Let her be their grandmother, but also remind her that we're their parents and we make the decisions. Not her."

A few minutes later, I hear a car pull up.  The kids are all still sleeping, so Brad and I decide to walk out and meet her there.

"Hey," I walk up to hug her, hoping she ignores the crazy hair and horrible clothing "I missed you."

"I missed you too, honey."

Hearing her say that, even if I don't know how serious it is, means more to me then I ever thought it would. 

Brad pays the driver and grabs my mom's bags, leading the way into the house. 

"It's different than what I remember." She looks around, commenting on all the shit laying around "But it's cozy.  Looks like the fort was probably fun to play in."

"Heard it was the most fun ever." I walk over to where the kids are "Apparently they loved it.  I saw some pictures."

She walks over towards the twins, admiring them as Brad and I stand back watching.

"They're so little.  It's weird seeing babies this small."

"I know." 

I get closer to them, part of me feeling like I need to protect them, but an even bigger part of me bursting with happiness at the sight of my mom meeting my children.

"They were both over 6 pounds when they were born, but Addie's down to 4, and Zach is 5.  He's been the better eater."

"He looks just like you, Brad."

"Thanks."

Brad walks over to pick Zach up, staring at him the whole time.  He's wanted a boy for the longest time, and I'm so happy he finally got his wish.

"Grandma's here!" Ava jumps off the couch, running up behind her "You wanna see the babies?  What about me and Kassie?"

My mom turns around quickly to pick her up.

"I came to see all of you.  I miss you guys sooo much!"

Kassie jumps off the couch, letting us know that's she's awake again.

"I love you girls!"

"We love you too!" They run over to hug her.

Brad wraps his arms around me as we stand watching.

"I think everything will be fine."