Sinner's Confessions (Montero Series # 2)

Chapter Twenty-five

Chapter Twenty-five

[Enna's POV]

"As long as you're here with me, na nakakasama parin kita at nakikita araw araw that is more than for me, palangga. At hindi kita pinakasalan para pagsilbihan ako at para maibigay ang kailangan ko. I want you to be completely healed to be able to do that," he cupped my face, giving me that tender look.

My hubby looked at me the same way he looks at me since the first time. Lahat sila nakikita kung ga'no niya ako kamahal and I felt a lot more guiltier for being like this. I felt like I don't deserve him anymore pagkatapos ng ginawa ng pamilya ko sa kanya, pagkatapos ng pambababoy sa'kin, pagkatapos mawala ng baby namin... Gustong gusto kong maging masaya rin si Mikho pero pa'no ko yun gagawin? Kapag sinusubukan kong makipagmake love sa kanya hindi ko nakakaya kasi naiisip ko parin yung nangyari sa'kin. I can't still bring to love my body. They made me see a therapist but it was no use. Since I was diagnosed with mental illness, my sexual longing had stopped responding. Naging abnormal na iyong senses ko with my hubby's touch kahit gustong gusto kong makipagmake love sa kanya. Nahihirapan parin kami.

Ang hirap hirap. Alam kong nahihirapan narin ang hubby ko sa'kin. Pero parang ang hirap na muling sumaya. Parang wala akong karapatan. Ang hirap kasi nararamdaman ko parin ang sakit hanggang ngayon. Ang hirap hirap lumimot. Ang hirap mag let go. Kahit anong magagandang salita ang naririnig ko hindi tinatanggap ng utak ko. Ang hirap hirap sumubok na bumangon.

Sinubukan kong salubungin ang tingin niya. I didn't want to cry but my lips began to tremble. Nakakagod na kasing umiyak. " P-pano pag hindi na ako gumaling. Pa'no 'pag ganito nalang ako lagi? Siguro ipagpapalit mo na ako sa iba."

"Hindi mangyayari iyan. At sigurado akong gagaling ka pero kailangan mong tulungan ang sarili mo, palangga. You have to let go. Alam kong mahirap but it's the only way that will set you free. You have to help yourself. "

" Sinusubukan ko naman eh, pero bumabalik balik parin sa isip ko ang nangyari sa'kin at ang nangyari sa baby natin, lahat kasalanan ko, I sobbed.

"Hindi mo kasalanan. Walang may kasalanan kung bakit namatay ang anak natin. Our baby was dead when he was born. It was a sudden death, " he dried my tears and I tried so hard to held my sobs. "You have to live para sa mga anak natin ngayon. Uri and Sari needs you. You need to reach out to them. "

I looked away. Those kids. They make me remember that it was a mistake kung bakit ko pa piniling isilang sila. They were supposed to be normal pero bakit naging abnormal sila? Sinusubukan ko naman pero hindi ko maiwasang mainis kapag nakikita ko sila.

"I will try, " sabi ko and then he held my chin to make me look at him again.

"That's good enough," he brushed the side of my lips. You know how much I love you, right?"

I nodded. Natakot lang naman kasi ako na baka agawin siya sa'kin ng Mikaela na iyon. I know how much she likes Mikho. I was just angry.

"I'm sorry..." I moved to quickly give him a peck. I was so tempted to deepen the kiss. I miss him so much pero ayoko rin siyang mahirapan. I don't want my hubby to end up being frustrated kagaya ng laging nangyayari.

I heard his heavy breath after. "Sino ang naghatid sa'yo dito? Sabi ni Manong Leo hindi niya pa nakita ang sasakyang sumundo sa'yo. "

"Si Lizzie. She used her brother's car and I told her to lie kapag tumawag ka. I was so angry and frustrated kasi."

He sighed again and caressed my head. "I'm sorry about Mikaela. I promise that is the last. Promise mo rin sa'kin na hindi mo na ako ipag-aalala ng ganun, palangga."