Sinner's Confessions (Montero Series # 2)

Special Chapter

[Uri's POV]

I may have the family that everyone wants. My mother is the most beautiful woman that I have ever known inside and out. She is sweet, caring, understanding, bubbly, child-like sometimes, cheerful you wouldn't even feel if she has a problem or none. She is a perfect match for my Papa who always wears a stern expression. Papa is the complete opposite of Mama. Papa is so uptight, very traditional, quite strict, and whenever we do something bad, we'll always be called to a one-on-one sit with his sermon about the bible and God. Yet, even Papa's serious, we all respect and love him so much because we so much feel his love for us and he cares for our family more than he cares for his own life. And he loves Mama more than anything you could name in this world, so much that I and my siblings couldn't even figure out how a man like Papa came to like Mama because they were the complete opposite.

Siguro sobrang ganda lang talaga ni Mama and Papa fell inlove with her at first sight. Iyan ang laging kinikwento ni Mama. But I knew Papa, there was not a shallow fiber in his body. He'd seen more to mom than meets the eyes. And Papa's a match to Mama's good looks. Gwapo ako. Hindi lang gwapo kundi sobrang gwapo. Saan pa ba ako magmamana kundi kay Papa? Magka mukha daw kami.

Maybe Papa and Mama were just the lucky ones. Who just clicked even if their personalities were totally different. The only thing that they both probably share was their temper. Hindi ko pa sila narinig na nag away. Not once. I couldn't remember them shouting at each other over something. Siguro nag away sila but they probably kept it to themselves. Makulit si Mama at hindi iyon napapalagay 'pag tahimik si Papa. Si Papa hindi ko pa nakitang nainis o nagalit kay Mama. He was probably good in keeping it to himself na hindi namin nakikita ng mga kapatid ko. Kaya mataas ang respeto ko kay Papa.

I and my siblings knew how much our parents love us. Binusog nila kami ng pagmamahal at hindi sila nag kulang. I don't want to question them on how I've turned out and I don't blame them for being like this pero kung minsan hindi ko mapigilang maitanong kung bakit naging ganito ako, kung bakit sa dinami dami ng tao sa mundo isa ako sa kanila. I've tried everything that I could para maramdaman kong normal ako. Lahat sinubukan ko. Everyone says that I was good in anything. I knew how to play almost every musical instruments, I paint, I write, I could dance, and yet it was never enough. I compensate my every frustration with those talents. To feel more normal but it only ends up na naging takbuhan ko ang mga talento ko sa frustration kong hindi makapagsalita.

Ang hirap hirap sa loob na hindi mo nasasabi ang gusto mong sabihin lalo na sa mga taong mahal mo. What you can only do was gesture the language o ma isulat iyon sa papel. Mas lalong masakit na naririnig ko sila pero di ko kayang gawin ang sinasabi nila.

Probably, it was better if I was deaf too, that way I wouldn't hear them say those words. Because whenever I do, sobrang nai-inggit ako. Nai-inggit akong di ko iyon nasa sabi sa kanila. I wanted them to hear me say how much I love them, I wanted to talk, I wanted to know how my cry would sound like, my laughter, how would it feel like to sing, to cuss when I'm angry, but I couldn't. I could only bottle that into a piece of paper or do things to let go of my frustration like what I do right now, painting. But sometimes it isn't enough.

I knock on the door pulled me from my trance and Papa came in.

"Uri magmamadaling araw na. Rest and resume that tomorrow," he said sternly.

I wanted to talk and tell him that I don't feel good. That I was frustrated. I wanted to question Papa why I became like this but he doesn't deserve to be questioned.

All I could do was nod. Niligpit ko ang mga pinag pintahan kong gamit pero hindi ko tiningnan si Papa. I thought he'd already left but I heard his foot steps and sat beside me.