Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 2 - It's not just in my head

OK, Mirror-Mollie, it's not just in my head. I'm so sure. This, whatever it is, is not unrequited. I stare at my reflection, willing her to understand my thoughts. She stares back, as unsure as me.

I completely understand that people used to dancing are tactile. I'm touchy-feely too. This is beyond friendliness.

Secretly, instagram has become my evidence. There's this black and white photograph of us. Just captured on the floor camera during rehearsals. It's the end move from our jive. God, listen to me with the pronouns. 'Our' jive. Like we are a pair already. There's no hope for me, there really isn't.

Anyway, this photo. He put it on insta with the caption 'You can't fake passion'. And he's right. I bloody can't anyway, I've never pretended to have real ambitions towards acting. Music, fashion: yes. Acting: no. Seriously, it looks like one of those staged Athena prints from my childhood. I'm stretched out in his arms and he's knelt over me. I look like a goddess. Not my usual dork-self. He makes me graceful.

I knew there would be romance rumours if I was paired with a single man – perhaps even if I was paired with a married man – the tabloids do love their 'strictly curse' stories, after all. I didn't want that to define my time on the show. This is such a special thing. He's done well to leave things up in the air – he said I had the sexiest bum on the show (have you seen the other girls?) which I will pretend didn't make me grin from ear to ear. I just stumbled over a response to a paper about him being a beautiful boy. He is beautiful. He's so stunning. I don't remember boys looking like him when I was at school. I must ask him what products he uses on his face – his skin is luminous. Oh, and how embarrassing, in the first show they said I was too forceful at pulling him back towards me. I made a joke about how could blame me, but I felt like everyone knew about my crush. So far, nothing too upsetting has come out in the press.

Why should I care what the tabloids say anyway? They made me a potential royal bride from being out in the same place at the same time as Prince Harry. As long as my family know the truth, I don't really care what they print. At least, that is what I tell myself. There have been some pretty hurtful articles. Apparently, I'm an ambitious, predatory character, willing to do anything to be famous. There was me thinking I was just a dork who liked to sing.

Anyway, back to him. He's intense, but in a good way. He throws himself into everything with full energy. And he's so sweet. Where other partners only hold onto each other during the results show, he has his hand around my waist all the time. And I like it. I like to put my hand over his to keep him there, to let him know it's absolutely ok with me. I want to be held by him. I want him to be proud of me. I want it more than I should.

Why have I been freaking out about his age anyway? He's done more at his age than most people do in their whole lifetime. Like seriously, what twenty-two year-olds have made it to the number one in the whole world in their chosen profession? It's my age making me twitchy. I shouldn't watch so many romantic comedies – they make me feel like I'm running out of time. Clocks ticking and all that. Like, Mollie, your clock will tick on, no matter who you are attracted to.

Oh, Mirror-Mollie, I really do like him. I like the way he constantly thinks of me, even if I'm across the room. I like it when I know his eyes are on me.

Maybe I just like him. Or love him.

That's a crazy word.

He's dominating my thoughts even more. I thought it was just a crush. But isn't a crush a one-way thing? I honestly don't think it is – I'm so sure he's attracted to me too. Oh god, did I just admit that to myself? I'm attracted to him! Come on, Mollie, who wouldn't be? He might have the baby-face, but hell, the whole package is pure man!

Why can't I stop thinking of him? Come on, Mollie!