Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 34 - Left out

I close my eye and wipe the mascara away with a cotton wool pad. It has run anyway. I feel so emotional this week and the constant exhaustion makes it harder to hold myself together. Oh Mirror-Mollie, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Knowing an unpleasant truth makes everything harder...

At the end of the rehearsal, I asked him if he knew if I was on the tour. He smiled. But it wasn't the right smile – not the one he uses with me. It was his professional smile. The one that doesn't make his eyes twinkle in the same way. It was too kind, too controlled. He chose his words carefully. He didn't know anything officially, other than he was contracted for the tour. He had heard that there were seven celebrities already signed up. He didn't know at what point the celebrities were told – Claudia, his partner on his first year at Strictly had never been interested in doing the tour as it would clash with her gymnastics training. I could feel my eyes filling with tears. I definitely wasn't being invited on the tour. I had so wanted that experience – to perform with him, all over the country, night after night. How could I be sad about something I never had?

Then a sadder realisation hit me – we would be apart for so long. After weeks of spending over half of every day together, we would not see each other for weeks. I let out a shaky breath. He pulled me close and just held me together. There were five celebrities left in the competition. The other semi-finalists must all be doing the tour. I guessed that Davood was also going. I was the only one being left out. It was like being the only child in a class not invited to a party. And the host of the party needed to make sure I didn't get to the final. I would be out of the competition on Saturday, no matter what. I just hoped it wouldn't be too brutal. They say it's sticks and stones that break your bones but words will never hurt you. I'm not convinced. Especially words said on live TV to an audience of millions.

The fear of humiliation broke down any remaining resilience I had, leaving me sobbing, clinging onto AJ until my tears ran out.