Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 36 - It's inevitable

I look at a defeated Mollie in the mirror. Right now, I sort of hate myself. I managed a half decent waltz and got my highest score. But I didn't do the one thing he begged me to do. I didn't enjoy it. How could I? Craig gave my samba a 4. That's the score he was giving out in the first week. This was a semi-final. It's embarrassing. I felt like I was ripped apart by the judges after the first dance – except for Shirley, she was kind. But it was so clear they didn't want me here. That I am an embarrassment to the competition. He's tried to chivvy me along, but we both know the writing is on the wall. Our chances of avoiding the dance off are minimal. And if we are in the dance off, we will go home. In a way it doesn't matter how we dance. We could be flawless and the other couple could fall over, but we aren't going to that final. No matter what.

He had created such a beautiful waltz for me. As soon as he took my hand I could feel the magic between us. The look he gave me conveyed so much. It was almost overwhelming. Like being in a dream. I tried not to overthink, just to focus on him, on us. To try to be in the moment. To breathe him in. But the nerves, the tension, the fear all threatened to spill over. I made mistakes on things that I've never got wrong before. All that hard work we had put in had been for nothing. He led me over to Tess, knowing how much I needed him to hold me up, to hold me close and to try to stop the shaking.

Tears had starting spilling down my cheeks the moment we finished dancing. When the judges were giving their feedback, I felt him flinch as he stopped himself from pulling me closer, to kiss me, to wipe the tears away, I guess I'll never know. AJ wiped a fallen tear from my collarbone. I barely heard what the judges said. It didn't matter now. It would all soon be gone. It was crumbling away. The dream fading away, nothing tangible left to cling to.

I so wish I could have got AJ to the final. I am just not good enough for him. It's inevitable, I will let him down tonight. And I hate myself for that. He deserves better.