Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 33 - Only love can hurt like this

The girl in the mirror looks exhausted. She stops dancing and rests her head against the glass, closes her eyes and thinks, her brain as tired as her body...

Being a semi-finalist is tough. I am grateful. I am so grateful. I love learning the waltz. I could do this all day, every day. The waltz is everything I dreamed of encapsulated in a dance. But our other dance is the samba. I have been trying to avoid the samba every week of the competition. I know it won't suit me. AJ knows it won't suit me, although he's trying to sell the idea to me. He has me almost convinced. But there's a juxtaposition between his words and his eyes. His words are encouraging. His eyes are...it's hard to explain...it's like his eyes are looking at me wearing something that really doesn't look right but he's trying to be nice about it.

The waltz is amazing though. If that was my only dance this week I would be so exuberant. It suits me, the romantic feel, the flow. I love it all. Being in his arms. Give me that for the rest of my life and I will be the happiest woman in the world. And the song is so beautiful. In the arms of the angel, fly away...Or the arms of the AJ. Don't mind either way.

The samba though...I understand the different rhythms. I don't really understand how to make it transcend into my body. I'm trying to pretend it's a music video. To channel my inner Shakira, Beyonce and Kylie all at once. I will do this. I just don't think I'll do it well.

Couldn't I have had the Argentine Tango instead? Other couples have had that in the past! And still had a ballroom dance for their other dance. Why am I not allowed to have that?

I can't do this. I can't do the samba. It doesn't even matter that I could totally rock the waltz, because samba hates me. I will try my hardest to savour every moment. But samba is so tough. So tough. And I try to stay positive but it's bringing me down.

And there's something I don't know. Something other people are keeping from me. I can guess. If Susan and Jonnie are doing the tour...yet my agent hasn't had confirmation...

That should tell me all I need to know, really. Is that what was unsettling AJ last week? Or was it just the change of song? He never said and we were so busy I didn't think to pursue it. That's it. That's why Craig is always so down on me – he's in charge of the tour. I've stayed in over both Susan and Jonnie – is Davood doing the tour? They weren't expecting me to stay in the competition this long and now they need to get me out. It would make a lot of sense. What about AJ? He loves dancing and seeing his fans! Will he be on the tour if I'm not? And does he know either way?

I so hope he's not keeping anything from me. If I can't trust him, who can I trust?