Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 37 - Can't smile without you

The girl in the mirror is no longer a Strictly contestant. You did so well, Mirror-Mollie. It was your time to leave. I just wish I could have done better for him. He deserved the final. His talent deserved the showcase of the final. I just couldn't quite make the grade. I just wanted to give him the beautiful waltz as perfectly as I could. To dance it for us. I didn't want to spend a moment apart, so we started the dance sitting on the steps holding hands. And then we danced as if we were the only people in the room. I was his princess. And I was glorious. I knew how proud he was, as soon as the dance finished he told me it was amazing. We knew we were leaving the competition anyway.

Perhaps the hardest part to take is how kind he has been. He has barely left my side all evening. He even said that our waltz was his favourite dance of all time because he had the pleasure of dancing it with me. I'm not sure I'm worthy of him when he says things like that. I tried to explain it when we had our leaving interview, but I got choked up just telling him he had been my hero. How could I possibly express everything he means to me?

Then I faced the most difficult dilemma of my entire life in our leaving dance. He'd pulled me close and I finally felt a little bit more at ease. Tess and Claudia were announcing the finalists when AJ asked me how I felt about kissing. If there hadn't been so many cameras and millions at home watching I wouldn't have queried it. As it was, I was tempted beyond belief. It was all I could do to pull back, bite my lip and give him a smile. I hope in that answer I could tell him everything. He pulled me close, hugging me tight and whispered, "You aren't ready yet." And I gently nodded against his neck.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to share this. I wasn't ready for it to end. I wasn't ready to leave him vulnerable to constant scrutiny. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to all the hours spent together. I wasn't ready to not have an excuse to be near him. I wasn't ready to let this moment go. But I also wasn't ready to open up every moment we had shared for dissection.

He didn't need words. He just danced with me. His dance said everything. It said love.